Gender Wars: The Great Potty Debate
So, here I am, sitting and thinking 'what the hell can I do to kill time, instead of actually doing something useful?' And I happen to remember this thing that seems to come up, randomly and out of nowhere, from time to time. Gender wars over the toilet seat.
It probably comes up because someone finds the great-and-oh-so-funny list of 'Men's Rules' -- either online or in their mailbox because they've got FWDFriends, and they just have to, y'know, instruct the women.
The first rule on the list is, naturally, the Toilet Rule.
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
This is a stupid fucking thing, y'know? Yeah, no shit, look before you sit, look before you leak, whatever. I fucking get it.
Then again, I'm one of the few people smart enough [apparently] to notice that there's a second part to the flippy little seat. It often has a fuzzy cover on it, and it goes down just like the seat does. And it sorta closes the toilet.
That lid is the solution to the Great Potty Debate. CLOSE THE FUCKING TOILET WHEN YOU'RE DONE USING IT!
If you can't be bothered to do that one simple little thing, then I don't want to hear anything out of you, male or female. I don't give a fuck if your ass got wet because you didn't look before you sat, and I don't give a fuck that you just can't be bothered to bend down and lift up the second ring. And I don't want to hear you crying when Stinky the Dog drinks out of it and vomits all over your Precious Slippers, or Junior the Fucking IdiotSpawn falls in and drowns, because neither of you could be bothered to pay attention to one little detail.
Me, I don't have this problem. I close the toilet, Gremlin closes the toilet, it's just one big happy closed-toilet household here. Gremlin does it because he's used to having dogs that might decide they like the big funny waterbowl better than their regular one, and reptiles that might see the toilet as a possible escape route. Me, I mostly do it because that's what it's there for. Also, I have a cat that will try to drink anything liquid. I get that a determined animal is still going to get in there if it really wants to, but I don't have to go the child-safety-lock route yet....
It's really not that difficult. Here, I'll show you....
See, this is a toilet, and it's in the standard 'for-women' setup, with the seat down, but the lid is open. I think I've clearly marked the important parts.
See the little curvey arrow? It points from the lid to the white ring around the blue stuff -- that blue stuff is water, and that arrow shows you how the lid will move down to cover up that hole where the water is.
I assume you understand how it will work in reverse, too. You just reach down and lift the lid -- not that hard.
This toilet is in the 'oh, he left the seat up again!' men's configuration, with the seat up against the lid. Also not too terribly difficult, and I know I don't need to explain the opening procedure here.
Again, there's a curvey arrow showing how both parts will move down to cover the big hole that leads to the water. And it's really not that much effort. Look:
See? You can grab both parts at once, and move them at the same time! Isn't that amazing! Even if you're a strange, two-digited pinkish-orangey hand having creature, you can close the toilet!
This is what the toilet should look like when it's not in use. See how the lid [covered in a pink fuzzy thing. Just imagine that it's fuzzy.] rests against the seat, and the seat rests against the rest of the toilet, and how happy and safe it looks?
It's really not that difficult. And if you're so fucking retarded that you'll actually piss on the lid when it's closed, just because it's not 'open' like you 'left it', then you probably deserve to die. Or, at least, do lots and lots of cleaning up after yourself....
Now, I hope you understand it. I think I explained things rather nicely. Of course, you'll do whatever you do. You do have choices, after all.
Your Choices:
- Close the lid.
- Shut the fuck up.
There's my filler for the day. I think I've wasted enough time for now, and I can get back to looking for other things to not-do.
Well, having fought the potty war for most of my life, I have taken a fallback positon of gender reliance. As most women believe men are oblivious to what is taking place around them most of the time, I tend to leave it up. Really, this is practical. As demonstrated in your drawing, to do otherwise would involve touching the seat and/or lid. That would then require having to wash my hands. Now, you might say I should be doing that, regardless...not so. As my penis is probably covered with less germs than my hands, as it is in less contact with the world, if anything, I should wash my penis after the friendly encounter. Additionally, my mother taught me as a wee lad, never to pee on my hands, a lesson which I learned rather quickly. So, no...the potty war may continue...but I have already declared victory in whatever domain I find myself. As for Gremlin, you rightly point out that he responds differently because he is motivated by his dogs and reptiles. You make no mention of his concern for your dampened tuckus. So, there. ;)
Perhaps you should look into properly cleaning your toilet, if it's so desperately filthy that you absolutely cannot close the toilet without needing to wash your hands.
I do not see how you can open it without washing your hands if this is the case. You would probably want to wash your hands quite thoroughly before even touching yourself if you cannot lower it for these germ-fear reasons. And if it's really that bad, shouldn't you be closing it in case whatever germy beast is living in there decides to become of-a-single-mind and get out?
I frankly do not give a shit if you are washing your hands or not. Not my problem.
Also, we do not have dogs. I was pointing out that this is a habit held by everyone in this household, so I could not be accused of making a 'silly rant' just because I didn't look first. And the few times I actually had to use a toilet without a seat, I never fell in. How people do, I do not know.
Please read my comment policy
Line and paragraph breaks automatic.
HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>If you want to reply directly to a comment, click the 'Reply to this Comment' link, located on the bottom righthand side of the comment. Doing so will nest your 'reply' directly beneath the comment.