If Dan Brown can do it, so can you.

What the hell am I talking about? Why, getting published, of course. And making millions. The man has just about as much talent as your average feedbackslut in your favourite fandom. You know the one -- she writes the mpreg....

And you can't say I don't know. I've read a whole shitload of fanfic, and I'm currently listening to Digital Fortress, I heard Angels&Demons, and I've read The DaVinci Code.

The guy sucks an awful lot. All you have to do is change some of your situations, all of your character names, and try to come up with a half-original idea, and you've got a publishable story. You don't have to know how to write -- you can use lines like "she'd worked there for five years, but still the place I need to describe but can't segue into any other way amazed her with blah blah blah...."

And you don't even have to change all the character names. You can just pretend you're being witty-realistic by calling your computer expert 'Jabba'.

This shit is making me long for the nigh-Biblical wordiness of The Silmarillion. At least that was a decent story....