I think I know what's wrong with Scientology. And I think I know how to fix it.

Right now, I've only got one little thing worked out. It's a matter of...well, letters. Two little letters. Get rid of them, and put one in their place.

I'm sure there's more to it, but if you just take 'theta', cross out the 'th', and replace it with an 'f', you get 'feta'. And, really, feta makes it better.

I'm sure there's much more to it, but I'm thinking that a scififantasy religion based on humans being, in generic terms, trapped and punished versions of goat-cheese makes so much more sense than...anything.

What? I'm not wrong. No, really. I have a hard time telling left from right because my fetan is in front of me, instead of behind me where it belongs. See? Doesn't that make so much more sense?