Um, what?

And then there was this one.

…which I thought was neat, because it was old. And, hey, old biology textbooks are fun, right?

Just so you know I’m not kidding about the age --

1960. I guess that’s not too old. There are people alive now who were old enough to have used this book back then. But it’s not something we’d be happy to see in use today. Because it's a little old, and we don't even like seeing books from the 1990s being given to our pwecious children.

I scanned the first few pages, just because. They're a little large, so...consider yourself warned, or something. They're also kinda crappy, because the book is larger than my scanner, and it's kinda...a book, so it's got some blurry bits, where it's all curved away from everything else. So what you're getting to see is...the middle part, minus bits of the edges, and blurry, because I'm too lazy to piece together some proper scans for you. Maybe I'll do that later, if anyone actually wants the full images.

Scan of the title page.
Scan of "The Holt Science Program" Page, which I'm including...just because it was there.
Scan of Indicia and Preface

I'm now going to assume that you're actually interested in what these pages say, and copy them here.

Indicia

JAMES H. OTTO is head of the Science Department of George Washington High School, Indianapolis, Indiana – ALBERT TOWLE is a teacher of biology at James Lick High School, San Jose, California – TRUMAN J. MOON was head of the Science Department of Middletown High School, Middletown, New York – BROTHER JOSEPH A. KUNTZ was Assistant Professor of Biology at the University of Dayton, Dayton, Ohio – BROTHER EDWARD J. DURY is a teacher of biology at Purcell High School, Cincinnati, Ohio.

The Cover depicts the process of photosynthesis, or food manufacture, in green plants (represented here only by the leaf), without which life on earth (the circle behind the leaf) would not be possible. The molecular configurations illustrate how green plants, in the presence of the green chemical chlorophyll and radiant energy from the sun, utilize carbon (black atoms), hydrogen (red atoms) and oxygen (blue atoms) in molecules of carbon dioxide and water to manufacture food in the form of glucose (a sugar) and release oxygen.

The Title pages repeat the theme of the cover, with animals and man groupsed around the leaf in the brown circle (earth) to illustrate that the basic life functions of all animal life are ultimately dependent on photosynthesis in green plants for their food supply, and therefore for their existence.

Okay so far, I guess. Right?

Preface

In this day of great emphasis on science in the high school curriculum , the biology course assumes a position of increasing importance. This revision of the Gregor Mendel Edition of MODERN BIOLOGY is designed to aid the teacher in meeding the challenge of present-day science teaching.

MODERN BIOLOGY combines the best features of the type, systematic, and principles course. In the study of a type organism, the student deals with a complete plant or animal and the interrelation of all its organs and life activities. This approach emphasized the unity of life. On the other hand, the systematic study of plant and animal groups shows the relationship of all living things, the development of life through various stages of complexity, and the wide variety of organisms which compose our living world. Finally, the study of principles is accomplished largely by the inductive approach. In his study of various organisms, the student discovers those principles which are illustrated by each group of living things. This method of investigation is ideally suited to laboratory study and provides maximum opportunity for research and group or individual project activity.

The organization of MODERN BIOLOGY follows a logical and sequential pattern. Unit 1 introduces biology as a science and relates it to the other sciences. The emphasis on cellular biology in this unit relates the study of biology to many of the most vital areas of research today. Unit 2 broadens the understanding of biological concepts to include the ecological relationships of organisms to their physical and biological environments. The study of classification emphasizes the structural relationship of organisms and introduces the science of taxonomy.

With this general background, the student is prepared to consider specific groups of organisms which illustrate additional principles of structure, function, and adaptation. Unit 3 follows the systematic sequence from simple to more xomplex organisms in presenting the flowerless plants – algae, bacteria, fungi, mosses, and ferns. Unit 4, the seed plants, is of great biological significance because of the many principles illustrated and because of our close association and dependence upon this group.

Unit 5 presents invertebrate animals, beginning with the protozoans. As each animal group is studied in a systematic sequence from simple to more xomplex, the student discovers the pattern of animal development. The study of invertebrates provides the background for a consideration of vertebrate life in Unit 6. As the student progresses through the study of the classes of vertebrates, he becomes aware of the basic similarities in body structure as well as advances which make each group more efficient than the preceding one.

The study of animal biology leads to the climax study of the human body in Unit 7. Problems relating to radiation and space biology, discussed in two chapters at the close of this unit, are of special significance in this Space Age.

Unit 8 presents the problems of disease and the biological conquest of infection. Genetics, plant and animal breeding, eugenics, and eutenics are presented in the chapters of Unit 9. Although conservation is a constant theme which runs throughout the book, the total conservation program is treated fully in the chapters of Unit 10.

The authors of this Gregor Mendel Edition of MODERN BIOLOGY deeply appreciate the cooperation of Father Henry J. Fritz, S.M., in making this revision one of sound Catholic Philosophy, and of Brother Joseph Concannon, S.M.

Wait, what? "...sound Catholic Philosophy?"

I've got a bad feeling about this....

Scan of the Foreword.

Foreword

One hundred years ago in Austria a man of medium height, corpulent figure, high forehead and friendly blue eyes, was engaged in teaching physics and natural history at the Brunn Modern School. His garb distinguished him as a Catholic priest and member of the Augustinian order. He was Gregor Mendel, a man interested in all aspects of natural science. As a teacher, his exposition was clear and luminous. He aimed more at stimulating interest than imparting facts. His pupils concurred in praising his method of instruction, his justice and his kindness. These traits won the praise of his contemporaries, but his permanent fame rests on his experiments and discoveries in biology. In his monastery garden he followed carefully for many years the results of the hybridization of plants. His painstaking method and penetrating observation led to the discovery of the basic laws of heredity, known today as the Mendelian laws. Mankind has since benefited immensely from the application of these laws, especially in animal husbandry and farming. In his own lifetime, however, the importance of Mendel’s achievement was not recognized. His published report of his discoveries was generally ignored until sixteen years after his death, when three other scientists rescued his work from oblivion. Mendel died as Abbot of his monastery on January 6, 1994, in the sixty-second year of his life.

It is to the memory of Gregor Mendel that the present edition of MODERN BIOLOGY is dedicated. The work is substantially the same as the previous edition that has already been so favorably received by teachers and students in Catholic schools. The modifications that have been made will make the present edition even more acceptable to them. Some of these changes have been made for the sake of scientific precision, others in cases where biological science touches upon the philosophic area. A broad teleological view is maintained, that is, the view that nature operates for definite ends or goals. Countless instances of purpose or design are brought before us in this book. If animals without foresight of ends, and plants with no knowledge whatever, perform manifold and complex activities serving an obvious purpose, we cannot fail to recognize that some ruling Intelligence guides the ways of nature, and we come thus to the knowledge of the existence and providence of the Creator.

As to man’s nature in particular, there can be no doubt, for those who grasp the true character of his reasoning processes, of the spirituality of the soul. Although the term animal intelligence has become more or less current, the cleverness of animals certainly differs in kind from the conceptual thought which we find in man. Man’s intellective capacity, moreover, depends on sense knowledge only extrinsically; that is, sense knowledge is only a preliminary condition for the formation of concept. Some concepts, in fact, rise above all material aspects, as for instances, our concept of truth, virtue, or spirit. Man’s mental activities are evidence, not just of a nervous system, but of a spiritual soul.

The word biology in its derivation means the science of life. The obvious intent of the biologist is to study the life of bodily things – plants, animals, men – or the life of organisms. But the concept of life pertains to realities beyond the scope of biology. Theology tells us of the life of angels. Reason discloses to us the existence of a living God, and at the same time the fact that He is in no sense material. God’s perfections are mirrored in His creatures, as every effect reflects something of the cause that produced it. The life of corporeal beings, marvelous in itself, is but a distant reflection of Infinite Life. Almost 400,000 species of plants and animals are something to amaze and bewilder the mind. How much more sublime must be the Life of Him who gives life to them all!

As an aid toward visualizing the place of biology in its relation to other fields of learning and the objects they pursue, the following schema is presented.

...here's the chart they're talking about.

When I bought this thing, I missed the part where it was a textbook from a Catholic school. I just thought it was all...quaint and old, and that's why it had a funny chart about deities and angels and shit.

The really sad part is that the rest of it is probably okay, as far as the science goes. For 1960. Which means that it's not at all what the cdesign proponentsists want in our Biology classes.

I'm sure there are interesting things elsewhere in the book, which means that I can probably stretch this thing into a few more blog posts, if anyone really wants to know what's in this thing. I just thought I should share that whole chart thing now, since it's been a good six months or so since I bought the book, and my first thought upon seeing said chart was 'shit, I gotta share that with the rest of the interwebs.'

Anyway....

This appears to have to do with this ministry that promised to send me a Rose Petal of Paredolia, or something. I don't think I ever got one, but website content is good enough....

You know how this goes.

Page 1, front.

Your Letters
CURE, CONVERSION & MORE

Oh good. Letters. Personal testimony. This should be fun!

I KNOW WHAT I SAW
July 30, 2004

Dear Michael,

Here is my testimony as a witness to the miracle at Bayside on June 9, 2004.

Not just any testimony, but testimony from four years ago. More yay.

I was sitting in my chair saying the Rosary, with riends sitting on both sides of me, when suddenly I saw many people to the right of us separate. My good friend, Marie Hartigen, nudged me and said we should go over to where the people were standing and see what was going on.
We made our way over to where they were standing and leaned forward to see what they might be looking at. There in the sky, maybe 30 or 40 feet above the ground, was the Blessed Mother holding the Baby Jesus in Her left arm. She appeared as a statue made of stone but the color of concrete.

At first I turned from the statue. I felt unworthy to view this holy statue of the Blessed Mother of God and the Baby Jesus, but I was drawn to see this miracle. And as my fears of unworthiness left and I gazed longingly at the Mother and Child, I could see the folds in Her gown. The Baby was sitting on Her arm, not reclining, and the Blessed Mother was wearing a crown.

The crown was not like the crown we have for the Blessed mother at Bayside. This crown had points on it. I could not take my eyes off the apparition or move away.

As I continued to stand there the statue of the Blessed Mother and Jesus disappeared from the sky.

I never looked at my watch. I no longer saw the apparition in the sky but saw only the branches blowing; it was about 10 or 15 minutes.

I know what I saw. I also know when I only saw the trees blowing in the breeze and there was no longer a statue in the sky. I was glad I remained standing there to see the difference.

I thank Heaven that I was allowed to see this. It was a great miracle that was manifested at the Shrine that evening.

I have always believed that all the messages and miracles of Our Lady of the Roses, Mary Help of Mothers is true. This beautiful miracle confirms what I already believed.

I hope this miracle is a confirmation for many other souls whether they were there to view it or not. For as Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ said to the apostle, Thomas, "Blessed are those who believe and do not see."

In truth and love,
Mary Lorraine Dranchak
Trumbul, CT

Oh good. A statue. Made of stone, but with the colour of concrete. So that'd be grey, right? And it was 30 or 40 feet above the ground. With a baby sitting on its arm, and a pointy crown. Just, y'know, making notes.

[Image Caption]
Pilgrims reacting to a phenomenon above the sacred grounds on June 19, 2004, the 34th Anniversary of Our Lady at Bayside. Unfortunately, we never got a good picture of the supernatural image.

Funny how that always seems to happen.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS
July 7, 2004

I was helping at the religious gifts service area on June 19, 2004, at the 34th Anniversary Vigil, when Mary Bauer came over and told me to come and look up into the trees above Our Lady's statue. She said that people were seeing Our Lady there. I went over and immediately saw what she was talking about. In the pines to the left of the statue, I saw two bright white figures, Our Lady with Jesus in Her left arm. Both of them were wearing crowns. Even though I knew that it was the lights shining on the pine needles, both figures were clearly defined and shining.
I have been coming to the Shrine since 1973, and I have never seen anything like this. I saw Our Lady and Jesus without a doubt and so did many other people with me. I believe it was a gift from Our Lady because of the difficult times so many of us are experiencing.

Marian A. Morris
Stanford, CT

It's a good thing someone went over and told this person what people were seeing, so she? could see something different. White, not concrete. Definitely the lights from a statue [on the ground] shining on the trees, and no mention of the amazing height. Both wearing crowns, and the baby's being held, not 'just sitting there'.

[Image Caption]At the Anniversary Vigil in June, some of the 1000 plus pilgrims look up in awe at the pines in what many later testified was a clear and living image of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel. For the full story look for our next issue of "Golden Warrior" (inset} Some of the good Fathers imparting their priestly blessing to the faithful at the end of the Anniversary Vigil.

Clear. Uh huh. It's really not looking that way based on your cherry-picked letters.

Page 1, back

AS PLAIN AS DAY
June 28, 2004

During some time late in the evening, I went over to where the pilgrims were praying. I believe Francis Harrington was leading the Rosary at the time. I noticed something was up because of the crowd looking up at the sky.

Then Mary Bauer, Michael Mangan's twin sister, told me to look up toward the light on the tree. That is when I saw an image of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel. Our Lady with Baby Jesus both were wearing a gold crown with a lot of gold-coloring all around. I saw this image as plain as day.

I have seen white doves over the years but I have never seen the flesh, as it were, the image of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.

I have good eyesight and I know what I saw and it was Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and to me this was a spectacular image.

Peter Frank
Lay Order of St Michael
Flushing, NY

Oh, it's Mary Bauer telling people to look again. I wonder how many people saw it just because she told them what to see.

...and now their lady and baby are...gold, instead of white or of the colour of concrete.

I STUDIED IT INTENTLY
July 2004

This is my testimony.

I had left my seat and went walking on the street when I heard someone say that there is an image of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel in the trees.

On my return to my seat I looked up at the light reflecting in the trees and sure enough there was a clear unmistaken image of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel--Our Lady in a light beige gown with the crown on Her head and the Infant Jesus in Her arms with the crown on His head. I gazed at this image for a long time and studied it intently and there is no mistake that it was an image of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.

Charlotte Williams
Bronx, NY

Light beige! That's almost like gold, and white! All at once.

A PHENOMENON
July 15, 2004

Dear Michael and James,

On July 19th, 2004, I was at the 34th Anniversary Vigil of Our Lady's Apparitions at Bayside. When I was sitting and praying the Rosary on the sacred grounds, I suddenly heard a commotion. The pilgrims were standing and pointing at the pine trees and were quite in awe.

I'm thinking it was about doves, so, I'm looking around to see the doves. Then my daughter told me that she saw Our Lady of Mt. Carmel. The light shining on Our Lady's vigil statue was reflecting on the branches of the pine trees above the statue. I saw Our Lady of Mt. Carmel in the branches of the pine trees.

This was quite a phenomenon.

Gladys Zietkowski
Palmer, MA

I have to wonder why they picked this letter -- the child element, maybe?

Of course, I can't figure out why they didn't just carefully select letters with properly matching testimony....

A BEAUTIFUL VISION
July 2004

Dear Michael,

On June 19th, the 34th Anniversary Vigil, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel came to the holy grounds after the 9 p.m. blessings. Our Lady was in the habit of the Carmelite Order with the Child Jesus in Her hands and the crown on Her head. Our Lady was on top of the high tree behind the excedra of the Vatican Pavilion Site. It was a beautiful supernatural vision reminding us of the importance of the brown Scapular.

Elisa Rasmussen
Astoria, NY

Carmelite habit? Why do I get the feeling that we're on our fifth version of the 'vision'?

IT WAS VERY AGLOW
July 29, 2004

Dear SMWA,

In honor of the 34th Anniversary of Our Lady's Apparitions at Bayside, I attended the vigil on the holy grounds on June 19th, 2004.

I had been on the holy grounds since 3 p.m. and sometime after 9 p.m. a small group of people, a little to the left of the excedra, were pointing above the statue. A gentleman pointed to the trees and told me Our Lady was holding Jesus. I looked very closely but could not see the vision and went back to my prayers.

About ten minutes later, I moved over to the left so that I would have a better view. The spotlight that illuminates the statue of Our Lady also shines above on the trees. This light is what I initially noticed but it suddenly got very bright and appeared to move closer.

At this moment, I saw Our Lady of Mt. Carmel holding the Child Jesus. They both wore a gold crown. Our Lady was dressed in the brown habit and Jesus wore a long light-colored gown. I could not see Their faces clearly.

At times, they seemed to move forward and downward. The vision was very aglow and appeared to be very solid rather than abstract or transparent. I was able to experience this for about ten minutes.

I attest that these facts are true and as accurate as I can recall.

Carol A. Hemphill
Spokane, WA

Gotta love the 'it was very aglow'....

Also, brown. That's six.

A VERY FRUITFUL WEEKEND
June 28, 2004

Dear Michael,
My friend, Carolyn Donovan of Portland, Me., was granted many graces at the Anniversary Vigil and holy hour for priests. She saw Christ the King on Saturday evening and I saw Our Lady of mt. Carmel. On Sunday we both saw the Sacred Heart of Jesus in full body on the excedra wall.

Thank you again for a very fruitful weekend.

In Jesus and Mary,

Rosemary Sibley
Eagleville, PA

...and here we have a completely unrelated set of visions, which I think might be here just to make me think that they were all unrelated. Except that these people were all claiming to have seen their own version of the thing that their friend told them to see....

On to the letter....

Page 2.

April 15, 2008

[address]

Dear Friends of Our Lady of the Roses, Mary Help of Mothers,

Since our last Pilgrimage to the Shrine in 2006, we have gone through some major medical complications. My dear husband Bill has had his hips replaced twice. Diabetes has caused an amputated toe; blood clots formed which later caused an amputation below the knee. He had a pace maker put in due to a heart attack from two years ago. He had an operation on his hand some weeks ago. He is home and recuperating very well. We will be offering all of his medical illnesses up to Our Lady on this year's Pilgrimage.

Sounds like someone's relying a little too much on prayer, and not nearly enough on medicine.

On our 2006 pilgrimage, many had experienced miracles. One family had rosaries turned to gold. Some saw Our Lady of Mt. Carmel. Bill and I saw Our Lady's oval shaped light. Miracle cures were granted to a family on their return to Colorado. I have had eight rosaries turn to gold at other past pilgrimages.

Oh good. Things turning to gold. It's Our Lady of Rumpelstiltskin, and her Blessed Son, Midas.

I am extending our invitation to join us this year for the 38th Anniversary Pilgrimage. We are hoping to form a group from Denver. If we get at least 10 persons we can get an airline group rate. This is an estimate of how much it would cost:

Hotel (1-4)persons - $139.00 per night. Persons in room would divide amount equally.
3 nights total.
Saturday Bus - $45.00 per person.
Saturday Dinner - $26.00 per person.
Sunday Bus - $35.00 per person.
Sunday Banquet - $45.00 per person.
Airline - $350.00 + taxes (price may change).

We would need a $200.00 deposit immediately to confirm by May 1st, and final payment would be May 15th.

We will have an informal meeting to give you the complete itinerary and information. I am enclosing a flyer of the pilgrimage, but I would appreciate it if you make arrangements through me, as I am the Denver organizer. Please call me at [phone number].

Yours In Christ,
[signature]
[name]

Page 1

Yeah, um, no. Even if I did want to take some trip to some religious thing, I'm not sure I'd trust someone who just mailed me out of the blue one day with two hundred bucks.

Page 3, side 1.

order your Banquet tix today!

THE LOURDES OF AMERICA

Our Lady's 38th Anniversary Pilgrimage June 21-22, 2008

OUR LADY'S ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND IS quickly approaching. We're looking forward to seeing you. In light of these troubling times, the world desperately needs your prayers more than ever, which are even more powerful and pleasing on these sacred grounds of Bayside. Indeed, what a joy it is to celebrate the beautiful and hope-filled Message of Our Lady and Jesus.

The 38th Anniversary Vigil will be on Saturday, June 21st and the Anniversary Banquet will be on Sunday, June 22nd. We encourage you to book your weekend package as soon as possible and purchase your Banquet tickets early as well.

With costs increasing each year for the Anniversary celebration, we are asking those attending for a $25 tax-deductible donation to St Michael's World Apostolate. As you know, priests go free and these costs, too, are increasing. We are counting on your donation to help defray these expenses.

May Our Lady's grace be with you, once again, as you join in fellowship with companionable spirits from around the globe on these sacred grounds especially chosen by our Father in Heaven to save the world and nourish His children.

The random boldface was in the original letter. I'm not sure why it was there, except that maybe it's meant to make certain things jump out.

"I was very pleased at the numbers present at the Banquet. It eases My Heart to see so many true souls present."
Our Lady, June 21, 1992

Wow. The visions talk, too. And they're pleased with things. That's convenient. What colour was this one wearing? Taupe?

[Image Caption]With Rosary in hand, pilgrims invoke the blessing of Jesus and Mary at the Shrine during last year's Anniversary.

Is it a magical metalli-change rosary, though...?

PILGRIMAGE PACKAGE

• Latin Tridentine Mass and confessions offered daily
• LGA Marriott Hotel $139 per night (reg $299 or more)
• Saturday Vigil Bus $45 per person
  • Includes stop at Veronca's grave
  • Open House at Our Lady's workshop 12-4p.m.
  • Dinner stop before Vigil at Marriott, $26 per person
  • Buses are lavatory-equipped and will remain during entire Vigil for your convenience
• Sunday Holy Hour bus $35-per person
• Venerate Rosary kissed by Our Lady
• Priests go free
• Tax-deductible donation of $25 per person is requested to defray expenses incurred for the Anniversary weekend

If you donate more, are you more likely to get one of the magical metalli-change rosaries? Seriously, I must know.

Page 3, side 2.

MESSAGES FROM JESUS AND MARY

"ALL WHO COME TO THESE HALLOWED GROUNDS, MY CHILD WILL RECEIVE GRACES IN ABUNDANCE. GRACES OF CURS AND CONVERSIONS. THE CRIPPLED SHALL WALK, THE BLIND SHALL SEE. THOSE IN DARKNESS SHALL COME FORWARD INTO THE LIGHT"
JESUS, FEBRUARY 1, 1974

...um, what?

"MY SON WILL PERFORM THESE SACRED GROUND A MAJOR MIRACLE THAT WILL BRING ALL TO THE KNOWLEDGE AND REALITY THAT THERE EXISTS A GOD WHO IS THE CREATOR AND RULES HEAVEN AND EARTH."
OUR LADY, MAY 30, 1973

I should note that these are copied as they were written on the page I got in the mail. You can check the scan yourself. It really doesn't make much sense....

"HOME SWEET HOME" WE HAVE MADE OUR HOME UPON THESE GROUNDS. THEREFORE, ALL WHO COME HERE TO BE SOLACED, I WILL BE HERE, MY MOTHER AND I SHALL STAY HERE EVEN INTO THE CONFLAGRATION."
JESUS, JUNE 18, 1991

It's so nice to know that Jesus will be in their chosen place of worship when the end times come. That's so wonderful, isn't it? And hey, everyone loves to be solaced, right? Nothing like a good solacing....

OUR LADY PROMISED PROTECTION TO ALL WHO COME. HOW MUCH SHE LOVES HER CHILDREN, HOW CAN WE REFUSE THE GIFTS!'
SHE IS CALLING YOU.

How'd she get my number? Who's responsible?

...and something you won't get from a blog posting is that these pages smell like burning. Like matches, even.

How...sinister.

I wonder if that had anything to do with someone deciding they only wanted 'anons' and not 'internet fags who saw it on youtube'.

Personally, I haven't seen their little youtube thing. Through a series of [not so] serendipitous events, I began a Scientology reading binge about a week before the stupid Tom Cruise Video and the Denial of Service fiasco.

Allow me to explain through the magic of vague minustime [ - time ]. It went something like this:

- 3 weeks: Business as usual.
- 2 weeks: I can't get away from talk of Scientology. Even if I put the entire chatroom on ignore, someone finds me through IM and asks me if I've heard about it. Halfway through the week, I get seriously annoyed and finally go to xenu.net. I figure I'll watch that Southpark thing again, and be done with it.
- 1 week: The magic and spiffiness of Scientology is that it forces so many people to turn to the internet to release their information. Xenu.net has books. WHOLE BOOKS! I have found a new home. After much rummaging through various metaphorical boxes, I settle here and start reading.
The Attack: I already know so much about Scientology that I decide the initial attack is just them being terribly confused by all the hits they're getting, and deciding to blame 'some anonymous party', which, in turn, leads to Anon dropping in to gay up the place.

I still don't know if I was wrong about that. I really don't know that I care, either, because it sounds like the sort of thing they'd do -- also, at this point, I have much more reading to do.

Since then, I've been through The Scandal of Scientology, A Piece of Blue Sky, Bare-Faced Messiah - The True Story of L Ron Hubbard, and am now working my way through the available parts of the potentially-longer-and-denser-than-Battlefield Earth Clearwater Hearing transcript [both here and here].

In my wanderings, I ended up at scientology-lies.com through a rather old [nothing newer than the 90s] page that seemed to be nothing more than a collected list of reports of harassment from the newsgroup.

Also, you can't forget the ever-popular http://www.whyaretheydead.net/ and http://www.lisamcpherson.org/, because everyone knows about Lisa. And that boiled guy [there are pictures].

I think that, once I'm done with the transcripts, I'll be moving back to xenu.net. There are still more free-to-read-online books there, and I do enjoy that.

Anyway, no. I didn't attend the protest, so there will be no pictures of it here. But I do suddenly feel that I know way more about Scientology than I do about some other religions. Because of this, I feel qualified to have an opinion on the subject.

Hubbard makes me look sane. And kind. And coherent. And alive, since he's really, most sincerely dead.

Scientology is a potentially dangerous cult and a moneymaking scheme. The people involved aren't always bad people, but...well, neither are people in other religions, until they blow up a Planned Parenthood clinic. It's kinda the same thing. The crazies in Scientology probably would've joined the Army of God if they'd gotten there first [and, say, gotten the parents of this person, because they were probably raised in the cult].

I'm not actually interested in 'destroying' Scientology - I know better than that. You can't destroy something that's already been spread on the internet [like that Tom Cruise video]. I would like to see them lose their tax exempt status, though. And maybe get labelled as vexatious litigants.

...ha! Someone put this at the bottom of the Vexatious Litigation page. I guess I'm not the only one....

Shit. Why are the croutons always gone?

The website lists it for $100. Ish. Tuesday Morning will have it for 30 or 40. And for those of us who already have mp3 players, or cd players that can read mp3s burned to disc, or WinAmp, librivox probably has it for free.

And if you really want free, you could always read the damn thing yourself. Or get someone with a pleasant reading voice to read it to you. I bet you could even get a bible for free, these days. It is the internet, after all. about.com have quite a few suggestions about how to get a free bible.

If you see anyone with the GoBible, laugh at them. Or ask them about it first, find out how much they spent on it, and then laugh at them. Because they deserve it.

They'll probably also deserve any beatings they get from those iPod-stealing types who steal this thing instead and find out they're stuck with a worthless hunk of dedicated bibleplayer.

Let's look at what you get for your, ooh, $99.95! Black text on a blue screen? A bible that's cut into single-verse mp3s, and also indexed by 'popular story', or a 'Bible-in-a-Year' method. I can see where that would be worth a lot to some christians -- the cut-into-single-verse thing. If you're going to be all picky about which bits you're gonna follow, you don't want to end up listening to the bits you don't want to follow. Pity you can't delete the bits you don't want -- that would make this SO much better.

Speaking of better, they might want to offer it in a less evil colour. Maybe a white. Or a yellow. Or something godly. With a cross on it. Get rid of the wheel, and put a cross there instead, so you can use Jesus to navigate the bible.

And if you steal this idea, I will be forced to do something....

That's the page I get when I go to peterpopoff.org, which, I guess, redirects to peterpopoffministries.com. I don't really know for sure. I just wanted to share.

Please excuse the largeness, those of you on smaller resolutions.  I did crop it, but...it just needs to be full-sized, y'know?  Because it's funny.

THIS INTERESTING TO READ SUCH NEGATIVE REPORTS ABOUT PETER POPOFF! I WASN'T SURE EITHER, UNTIL I REALIZED THAT HE DOES READ MY REQUEST. HOW DID HE KNOW MY EX-HUSBAND'S NAME? OR THAT BOTH OF MY SON'S JONATHON AND ANDREW PLUS, THEIR FATHER, MARK HAVING MARAJUANA ADDICTION. THIS IS HOW I KNEW HE WAS ACTUAKKY READING MY LETTERS.
I DO TITHE TO HIM BECAUSE THE SPIRIT HAS PLACED IT UPON MY HEART TO DO SO.
I AM NOT DISREGARDING WHAT SOME OF YOU ARE SAYING, IT'S NOT MY EXPERIENCE WITH REV. POPOFF. I WAS SURPRISED THAT I WAS LED TO "SEND OFFERINGS", HOWEVER, GOD HAS OPENED UP THE WINDOWS OF HEAVEN AND POURED OUT MANY BLESSINGS." THANYOU, STEPHANIE MISASI

Posted to:

You are a stupid cow. I am sad that you've bred. I do not blame your husband and children for their attempts to escape you through whatever means necessary.

Yes, dummy, someone scanned that little message you managed to typo into the webform on his website. Did Peter Popoff do it himself? No. Did Peter Popoff write those letters himself? Not likely. They're templates. Your name, and the names and situations you've given them are inserted. The Great and Powerful Reverend doesn't even know if the $200. he spent on that informercial slot came from you or the other five hundred letters his processing facility sent out three Fridays ago.

May the spirit place it upon you to get yourself spayed and be a witness somewhere without electricity or people who understand English, so that you'll never inflict yourself on anyone you can actually harm.

Carman was a Christian singer that made me touch myself when I was a preteen. The influence of alcohol and Hunter made me realize that I should share that love with him, so here is the letter I'm sending via his website (with my real e-mail, should he actually want to hook up)....

Hey Carman. You came to Bakersfield a long time ago. I saw you at the Fairgrounds. I threw you a teddy bear. What a fun show that was. But really, I have something quite serious to say....
I recently found out that I can't conceive children. That doesn't really bother me, as I don't really like the little turds, but someday I might want to have them, you know? Anyway, I was praying about it the other day, and then I turned on TBN and you happened to be on. I think that was a sign. I think Jesus is trying to tell me that it is God's will for me to have children. I don't just mean any children, I mean YOUR children. Seriously, what other kind of sign could that have been? The holy spirit spoke to me through TBN, and now I am here to plead my case.
Jesus was telling me the other day that I really need to make more of an effort to touch your bathing-suit places. By touch, I'm sure He meant stroke, because, you know, Jesus can sometimes be cryptic like that. From my past indiscretions, I have been told that I give amazing blowjobs and would be happy...no...honored to give one to you in the name of Jesus Christ. Then just as you were about to spew your man juices inside my mouth, I would sit on your Sword of Righteousness and ride you like a horseman of the Apocalypse. Jesus told me that He would touch your scrotum to His mouth as you climaxed and that you would fill me with your seed, causing me to conceive a child. Praise Jesus! What a marvelous revelation! So, as is the will of God, the next time you are in Bakersfield, e-mail me. I (and Jesus) will DEFINITELY make it worth your while.

Linda

I think she tried for something like 300. I was pretty sure I went for thirty [even though I said I went for twenty in my last post]. I got 21 of each. I'm not sure what's going on here.

I don't know if colorofjanuary got all 300. She didn't count them, that I know of. She also got some other stuff -- she posted pictures here

The two envelopes I got yesterday.

Two envelopes, two mailback envelopes, two 'send me money' fliers, and a bunch of pins.

21 gold pins.

21 silver pins.

Make that 20 gold pins. I gave one away.

Swyndle was over here last night, so now he's got one on his jacket. You can tell that's his jacket. See the Decepticon insignia?

It came in a brownish paper envelope. Kinda like those old paper bags you can still get at the grocery store if you ask?

...and it's a pretty short and simple one, too. Good.

It came with a prepaid return envelope. Also good.

Oh, and a mystery envelope that I'm not allowed to open until I'm done reading the letter. Ooh.

So I opened it a few days later....

No goodies, but there was this card that happened to be in there upside down.

Page 1

THE MINISTRY OF GOD'S PROPHET PETER POPOFF

March 1, 2006

Dear Partner [Insert Name],

The situation is desperate and we have little time. I am writing you in this extremely urgent matter. If you are reading this letter, the immediate crisis will be averted. Pay close attention, because it could be a matter of life or death for someone you love.

That's nice. Since I got the letter, the 'bad thing' isn't going to happen. Since, y'know, it wasn't going to happen anyway. But someone might still die, even though the badness isn't there anymore. Or something.

Does this qualify as nuttier than the crazy black powder letter?

Here's why: My visions are so accurate.

Huh-what? You mean like that vague and fuzzy one about me and the fog. Or that one about my front room?

I recently witnessed in a vision a horrible attack from the very pits of hell. I was afraid that it was against someone close to you. Furthermore, I saw that you, too were suffering from a constant satanic onslaught. I promise you, this will not stop.

Wow. Two attacks in one vision. Your so-accurate yet so horribly vague visions.

Come on, someone close to me? What sort of close? Close like sitting next to me? Close like a neighbour, or on the same block? Close like immediate family, or friends?

We know there is a lot of trouble in your life, so here is what needs to be done now. There are two separate, horrible problems. Both could turn into tragedies in the next few weeks if action is not taken. I have already placed a powerful prayer covering over you and your loved ones.

Now it's loved ones, not 'close to me'. I guess that's almost clearer.

I wonder what these 'two seperate, horrible problems' are.

I've enclosed a gift for you that will literally stop satan in his tracks: a powerful prayer given to me by the Holy Spirit. It will cast a circle of miracle protection around you and your loved ones for 7 days. You must speak the words of this prayer out loud. I have done this for you. The rest is up to you.

If I must speak the words out loud, how have you done that for me?

Please, please do this or else!

Yeah! Or else!

Open the envelope with the prayer enclosed after reading this letter. Say the prayer out loud 7 times. Do this again tomorrow, then destroy the paper I recorded it on. Do this and a circle of divine protection will surround you and your loved ones. If you do not do this, I fear the worst.

I thought the prayer was so powerful that it would stop satan...but you want me to destroy it? I'm shocked. I was expecting you to tell me to tape it to my door, or something.

I feel so close to you in the spirit. I feel your hurts and your pain.

...what's the difference between 'hurts' and 'pain'?

Also: I really wish he did.

The next 90 days are crucial for your happiness. Right now you are standing at a crossroads. Take the right road and happiness will be yours. Your life is in the balance.

--OVER--

90 days now. Just keep pushing it out.

And, hey, we're back at the whole road thing from the last letter. Sorta.

Page 2

--2--

I assure you that if you take action, you will see your dreams become realities. I say to you with the boldest faith I know: Miracles are at hand for you if we take appropriate action now.

Yeah, if you take action something will probably happen. If, however, you sit around saying prayers seven times in a row, you're probably not going to get anything out of it.

Except, maybe, another letter.

1. I see both of your most serious concerns being resolved by God's miracles within this 90 day period.

Yeah, that's great. What were those concerns again? I mean, I gotta watch for them, right?

['Handwriting'] I'VE SEEN IT WITH PERFECT CLARITY.

However, I've written it in generic terms so that it fits with whoever happens to be reading this form letter.

2. I see your financial concerns being elimintated because of 5 miraculous and completely unexpected grants of prosperity. Each by the hand of God!

So, what gets us money? I think I covered that before...someone dies, there's a car accident that's the other person's fault...anything else?

As we agree together, within hours, the miracles I speak of will begin. Put me to this simple test if you have any doubts whatsoever.

It's already been hours. I haven't noticed any difference in anything.

I am entering into a very special period of fasting and prayer in obedience unto the leading of the Holy Spirit. Thousands across North America and the world have been led to fast at this very crucial time, also. This is a divine directive. All I am doing is asking you to agree with me for the next 90 days. You will see protection, victory, health, prosperity. I won't fail you. I am certain of your victory, if you will only agree with me. That is why I am contacting you in such a dramatic fashion. There isn't a minute to waste.

Yeah. This dramatic fashion. By letter, as usual. What would be dramatic is if you called me, even though you don't know my number....

Wait, I don't have to fast, do I? Because I'm not gonna....

['Handwriting'] YOU MUST ACCEPT THAT I AM INTERVENING ON YOUR BEHALF!

Do I really have a choice?

Everything will be different. You will never again be in want. Never again be lonely or without that which you desire because our faith will be united.

...something about this sounds a little bit like that time, years ago, when this Muslim guy tried to convince me that if I'd just convert, he'd send me all sorts of money....

Please do this now: Fill out the enclosed prayer sheet. You must send me two of your most personal prayer requests: one for yourself, and one request for the loved one who is most on your heart. Trust me now, because I know exactly what I am doing.

...you're trying to see if it's all the money requests that made me not respond, right?

Please do not forget to say the prayer I sent you: Seven times today and tomorrow. Then destroy it. Tragedy will be averted just as I promised.

Or it won't. Or it won't happen even if you don't say the prayer. Who knows.

Hurry now. Return your two prayer requests right away on the enclosed prayer page. Do it now. There isn't a minute to waste.

If there's not a minute to waste, then why a two page letter? Why not just "OMGSHIT UR IN TROUBLE DO THIS!" and be done with it?

Blessings.
Love, your prophet
Peter Popoff.

...mmmno.

Prayer Page

PRAYER PAGE

You must simply act this very moment and get your TWO PRAYER REQUESTS back to me for my special time of fasting and prayer. Let me pray for you. Please send me two and ['red ink' box around next three words] only two requests: Your most urgent need and the need of a loved one who is most on your heart.

Do it. Do it now. I don't care if the post office is closed. Get it to me RIGHT NOW!

Bro. Popoff, here is my most urgent request: [Bunch of blank lines]

This always happens. I can never come up with the 'things I want for giftmas' lists, either.

Here is the need of my loved one:
Their relationship to me (check) ( ) son ( ) daughter ( ) husband ( ) wife ( )mother ( )father ( ) close friend ( ) other [blank].

Let's see....

How 'bout (x) other? 'not so close friend'

Their needs: [bunch of blank lines]

Well, my friend...kinda needs for the stars to be right....

Anyone else got any needs for Brother Partner Prophet Peter Popoff?

Now, hurry, please. The time has come. Your rewards await. RUSH THIS SHEET BACK TO ME. SEND NO MONEY.

You will be billed later.

['Handwriting'] *I feel very drawn to you so I won't ask for any money for this.

Good. You ain't gettin' any.

Wait a minute...drawn to me? Is this going to turn into some strange sort of form-letter stalking?

The Envelope

[All in 'handwriting']DO NOT OPEN UNTIL READING LETTER ENTIRELY. THEN OPEN THIS AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS IMMEDIATELY!!!

I ask, PLEASE DO THIS

Front of the Card
Back of the Card

Follow These Instructions From God's Prophet Peter Popoff

[All in 'handwriting']Follow THESE INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY! RECITE THE PRAYER ON THE BACK OF THIS PAPER ALOUD 7 TIMES TODAY. I SUGGEST YOU DO IT NOW. REPEAT THE PRAYER AGAIN ALOUD 7 TIMES TOMORROW AS WELL. THEN DESTROY THIS PAPER. TEAR IT UP OR BURN IT.

I'm still not sure what the whole 'destroy this paper' thing is all about....

PRAYER:
Heavenly Father, I Jesus' name I come to you in agreement with the PROPHET YOU have sent to me: I ask you to bind every hindering force that would come against me or my house. Let your power and anointing rest upon me. In Jesus name, I pray. AMEN.

SAY THIS SEVEN TIMES

That's not a typo. They actually forgot the 'n' in 'In'.