The title of the post has very little to do with anything, except that the following happened largely because of a title.

That title? Aliens Are Invading; Here's Proof; That Proof Was Fake; Search for Real Proof; Therefore, Aliens Are Invading -- the first part of the ooso.reticuli entry on gotards.com.

The first part is dull. Ooso's regular insanity, or inanity, or whatever you want to call it. But then, it gets interesting. Because ooso fails at the internet.

I was going to post the interesting part here, but there's a wordpress bug that doesn't allow posts to be over a certain length. Annoying, but...well, I decided that a better plan would be to save the gotards.com page as it is, and put it in the Chat Transcript part of the idiot archive. So there it is. Complete with the title he objects to so strenuously.

All that, I guess, explains why the first thing I really noticed when I re-entered chat at 7pm was Becca asking ooso if he'd been waiting for Gremlin to stop posting. And then, this:

7:18:02 PM ooso.reticuli: The food at this place thai place I went to is amazing, I walked in upset and with headache, and now I feel calm as a shaolin monkey again.

So he got all worked up into a frenzy over a few words in chat. And apparently gave himself a headache with all the effort of failing at the internet.

Also, this:

• 21:56, 19 July 2008 (hist) (diff) Mr mindblank‎
• 21:54, 19 July 2008 (hist) (diff) Chimpolaux‎(→Approxmately the Reason This Site Exists)
• 21:53, 19 July 2008 (hist) (diff) Anticommunist freedom fighter‎(Removing all content from page)
• 21:04, 19 July 2008 (hist) (diff) Ooso.reticuli‎(Removing all content from page)

So, four instances of removing all content from the page, and a whole mess of time apparently wasted trying to figure out who owned gotards.com.

And why am I posting this here? Because the little fake-ignoring twat threatened to take down the server. I'm on that server. And he can't do a fucking thing about this.

In a word: good.

Also, wow.

And, goddamnit, why did that guy have to go and die on us? Selfish bastard.

I don't usually recommend going to see something, but I'm making an exception. Go. See. And, for fucks sake, leave your kids at home. Not only is this a little too grown-up for most of them, it's just fucking tacky. Leave it with a sitter, because nobody wants to hear it screaming for mommy when the big, bad, scary things happen.

And nobody wants to hear it get bored and start making a racket with the pennies, or candy, or whatever it can use to make said racket.

Safeway was running a sale -- 10 for $10. So I don't feel as stupid as I should....

From the bottle:

the water with all the answers

is it just us or do clouds get a bad rap? while we admit they're not as great to have around on a beach day, as say, the sun, clouds are unsung heroes because they contain nature's purest source of water. meanwhile, spring water comes from the ground and contains random stuff and whatever else the animals that swim in it leave behind. that's why we copied our white puffy friends by creating smartwater. it's vapor distilled so it is in its purest original state. it's a difference you can taste...unless, of course, you have no taste buds (then you're on your own). but, we don't stop there. we one-up the clouds by adding electrolytes just in case you do decide to hit the beach. unfortunately, we can't fix the whole men in thongs thing.

ingredients: vapor distilled water + electrolytes (calcium chloride, magnesium chloride and potassium bicarbonate)

made for the center for responsible hydration (aka glaceau) whitestone, ny 11357

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 8fl oz (240mL)
Servings Per Container about 4

Amount Per Serving
Calories 0
Total Fat 0g
Sodium 0mg
Total Carbohydrates 0g
Protein 0g

enjoy the inside, recycle the outside

So I paid a dollar [two, actually, since I got two bottles] for 33.8 FL OZ of 'smart' water with a label that was typed by someone who couldn't find the shift key while they weren't fact checking....

The water we drink, bottled or tap, usually does not contain 'whatever animals leave behind'. And clouds? Pure? What, were these people asleep during that Earth science class, or did they just disregard it in favour of marketing?

For those who don't know, clouds are formed when the moisture in the air condenses around something called 'condensation nuclei'. That's dust in advertising-speak. Dust.

So, smart water is dust water. With those same random groundstuffs that might be in the regular water.

Smart water is not smart.

...but, at least I only paid a dollar for it. And now I've got this big bottle that I can refill. So yay.