Normally, this wouldn't be a problem. Okay, well, it would. I should know -- I was a part of the last spillover problem, and that shit still gets bitched about. But...this was a very special, weird e-domestic-dispute containing spillover.

And it turned into a strange revenge-botting. By which I mean 'some idiot fills the room with similarly named sockpuppets to prevent others from getting into the room, in order to 'shut it down''.

Somehow, it had something to do with Islam:2 being full of bots, and...possibly someone from Islam:2 having looked at the chat list and noticing Religion:1 once. I honestly don't know -- there was zero sense being made.

I decided to go beyond zero sense, and into negative sense. I reported the user to Yahoo.

Subject: Auto Confirmation - Your Yahoo! Abuse support request was received
From: Yahoo! Customer Care [reportabuse@cc.yahoo-inc.com]
Date: 02-Mar-10 11:59

Hello,

This is an automated message regarding your recent request for Yahoo!
Abuse Customer Care support. We have received your message and will
respond within the next 48 hours with an answer.

Thank you for reaching out to us. We look forward to helping you!

Sincerely,

Yahoo! Customer Care

**Please do not respond to this message as no one will receive it.

That'd be their response. Also, there's more:

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
From: Yahoo! Customer Care [reportabuse@cc.yahoo-inc.com]
Date: 02-Mar-10 19:42

Hello,

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Customer Care.

We appreciate your report of abuse in Yahoo! Chat. I understand that you
would like to report abuse in Yahoo! Chat. However, I need some more
information from you first before I can further investigate your issue.

Please provide the following if you haven't already:

- Exact Yahoo! ID that you are reporting

- Your Yahoo! ID

- Name of the Chat room involved

If possible (and if you haven't already), please provide us a copy of
the harassment. You can do this by sending us a copy of the chat log
file. To do this you must turn on Chat Archiving in your Messenger
software.

While in Messenger:

1. Click on "Messenger" at the top of the client.

2. Click on "Preferences."

3. Click on "Archive."

4. Select "Yes, save all of my messages."

5. Click the "Apply" button.

6. Click the "OK" button.

If the abuse occurs again, please copy and paste the contents of the
archive with that particular user into your email to us.

To view your archived chat:

While in Messenger:

1. Click on "Messenger" at the top of the client.

2. Click on "Preferences."

3. Click on "Archive."

4. Click on the "View Archive" button.

5. Select the user you are reporting from the list in the left window.

6. Copy and Paste the offending text into an email to us.

Once we have received the necessary information, we can continue to
investigate this issue.

Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Customer Care.

Regards,

Jay Tyler

Yahoo! Chat Abuse

69004043

http://www.yahoo.com/

Original Message Excluded:
--------------------------

Okay. I can do that. I reply, keeping everything intact -- including the reference number in the subject line [which I've excluded here]. I find it a bit odd that I'm supposed to reply to this one, but not the other one, because they're the same email addresses. I figure it has something to do with the reference number...in the subject line.

But, whatever. It's Yahoo. There's probably some sort of method by which emails are sorted, right?

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
Date: 03-Mar-10 11:13

Exact Yahoo ID: leprinced_de_deutschland
My Yahoo ID: Hunter.the_CrazyChick
Name of Chatroom Involved: Religion:1 [and possibly Islam:2]

The bots leprinced_de_deutschland used followed a naming pattern. s##s_gizmo_# [where # represents a numerical digit]. 'gizmo' was sometimes 'gizmodo' or 'gizmosaurus'. I think there were also instances of broken_gizmo. I can't be sure, as they don't show up in my logs.
Portions of the archive:

leprinced_de_deutschland: [15] we not play
dancingwithmisty: GO BACK TO IT, IF IT'S SO WONDERFUL
leprinced_de_deutschland: [16] LOCK
dancingwithmisty: R1 will NEVER be Islam2
demonrald: Mic ain't workin'
leprinced_de_deutschland: [17] unrstand?
demonrald: Audiho is lying.
leprinced_de_deutschland: [18] r1 b close
leprinced_de_deutschland: [19] LOK
audiho: dem, fuck you.
demonrald: She studies aberrant psychology.
audiho: :-?
demonrald: Especially guys who have bunny fixations.
dancingwithmisty: Get OUT
leprinced_de_deutschland: [20] thank lava
leprinced_de_deutschland: [21] ur name get lok now
demonrald: damn it
dancingwithmisty: Lava isn't even in here. GET OUT
audiho: oh, julio. :(
audiho: dem, your mic sucks, your life sucks, just kill yourself
leprinced_de_deutschland: [22] end of talk

leprinced_de_deutschland: [60] thank 2 lava
leprinced_de_deutschland: [61] n u r homo
leprinced_de_deutschland: [62] all ur name lok

leprinced_de_deutschland: [64] tel lave revove bot in islam chat and this bots leave

leprinced_de_deutschland: [84] when wickd pull bot from 2 I pill bot here
leprinced_de_deutschland: [85] this is deal no exce3ption

leprinced_de_deutschland: [89] gump name get loked now

leprinced_de_deutschland: [90] rel 1 closing down 2day
leprinced_de_deutschland: [91] find new rom
leprinced_de_deutschland: [92] hunter no talk
leprinced_de_deutschland: [93] name lok

Rough translation: he intended to shut down Religion:1 by filling it with bots. He also repeatedly threatened to lock other user names. He wasn't able to, but this doesn't change the threats or his intention to do so.

Apparently, he was back during the night, while I was asleep. It's likely that he'll also return today, but I probably won't have any record of that as I've ignored him.
Thank you for not sending me an auto-response asking me to ignore the individual.

So, there you have it -- my reply. Everything they asked for, right?

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
From: reportabuse@cc.yahoo-inc.com
Date: 03-Mar-10 19:35

Hello,

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Customer Care.

The Yahoo! Customer Care team that supports Chat issues is primarily
English-speaking.

Please forward a translation of the information and we will review the
situation further and take appropriate action.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Customer Care.

Regards,

Yahoo! Chat Abuse

69004043

http://www.yahoo.com/

Did you catch that?

If you're beating your head on your desk right now, or executing the world's largest and most emphatic facepalm, you're reacting exactly how I reacted. Except...I don't have a desk, so I couldn't really 'headdesk'. And I honestly couldn't decide which was more...warranted. I think both. Or at least some image of something else doing it -- a cute kitten with its face buried in its paws on the floor, or Puppet Angel, or, y'know, something less used than Picard. Maybe Jon Stewart.

Anyway, I replied:

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
Date: 03-Mar-10 21:12

What I sent you *was* in English.

Which should've been the end of it.

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
From: Yahoo! Chat chat-advocacy@cc.yahoo-inc.com
Date: 04-Mar-10 16:27

Hello,

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Chat.

We appreciate your report of abuse in Yahoo! Chat. I understand that you
would like to report abuse in Yahoo! Chat. However, I need some more
information from you first before I can further investigate your issue.

Please provide the following if you haven't already:

- Exact Yahoo! ID that you are reporting

- Your Yahoo! ID

- Name of the Chat room involved

If possible (and if you haven't already), please provide us a copy of
the harassment. You can do this by sending us a copy of the chat log
file. To do this you must turn on Chat Archiving in your Messenger
software.

While in Messenger:

1. Click on "Messenger" at the top of the client.

2. Click on "Preferences."

3. Click on "Archive."

4. Select "Yes, save all of my messages."

5. Click the "Apply" button.

6. Click the "OK" button.

If the abuse occurs again, please copy and paste the contents of the
archive with that particular user into your email to us.

To view your archived chat:

While in Messenger:

1. Click on "Messenger" at the top of the client.

2. Click on "Preferences."

3. Click on "Archive."

4. Click on the "View Archive" button.

5. Select the user you are reporting from the list in the left window.

6. Copy and Paste the offending text into an email to us.

Once we have received the necessary information, we can continue to
investigate this issue.

Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Chat.

Regards,

Jay Tyler

Yahoo! Chat Abuse

69004043

http://www.yahoo.com/

Original Message Excluded:
--------------------------

Yeah. That feeling you have? You have read this before. It's pretty much the same, except for, y'know, the chat part.

So I sent them the same email as before, but with this line on the end:

That's all in English. I can't do much of anything to translate it into anything else, because 'can't type' isn't another language. This is pretty much what I've already sent to you before.

Their response? Scroll up to the last email they sent me. That was their response.

All I've learned from this is that the system that sorts their emails involves a beach pail of d100s on an uneven table and the Lemarchand Configuration.

Like the 'MckDrama' currently going on right now. Which leads me directly to the title of this post. How to make money on the internet.

In any order, you get a blog, have a bunch of kids, and take pictures of them. It's recommended that you claim all manner of opinions and positions -- christian, submissive wife [call your husband Prince Charming], extended breastfeeding, babywearing, organic food eating, delayed or anti-vaxing, and so on.

Then, if you notice that you're not getting as many hits as your fellow mommybloggers, have a sick kid. A very sick kid. If you can't, fake it. Embellish. A lot. Post dramatic updates about the sick kid. The hits will come rolling in.

Also, you'll get donations. You'll get people to pay for your hotel rooms and massages at that hotel while your sick kid is in the hospital in a different town.

If you allow comments, moderate them heavily. Don't allow questioning; only adoring comments. If anyone does question you, track them down and send them nasty emails.

And, if someone starts doubting you because the pictures you posted of your sick kid during a medical procedure show numbers on the medical equipment that don't match what you're saying [among other things], let your visitors post comments threatening bodily harm to those 'evil' people who dare doubt you.

It also helps to insert yourself into the media -- especially if you can insert yourself into some other e-drama that exploded into the general public [like, say, a person who faked their own pregnancy, and gained a lot of attention online].

Yes. This is really all happening. Even more entertainingly, the 'doubters' I mentioned, those evil, evil thinking people who dare question what they're seeing? Someone filed a police report on them. Which is slightly unwise, when all the threats are coming from the alleged threatened party....

I'm not entirely sure what prompted the police report, exactly. It could've been a number of things. The commenters at the 'doubting' blog dug up a lot of public information using nothing more than what 'MckMama' posted on her own blog. Public information like, say, her husband's arrest record for domestic violence.

And, of course, people are outraged. Because they look up to MckMama, and these are all just dirty, dirty lies. Until she admits that they're not. But they're still bad people, so let's threaten them! How dare they question!

How dare they think.

The internet is a Thought-Free Zone. So, go forth. Make money. And, if anyone dares think, let your loyal flock attack them. If you're lucky, you'll have a flock of Black Sheep, and they'll take care of it for you instead of eating you alive.

And I think I know why....

See, I never actually bothered to look at this person's profile before.

Yahoo! ID: ooso.reticuli
Real Name: Michael
Nickname: my.eyes.vibrate
Location: Blue Terra
Age: 27
Marital Status: Single
Sex: Male
Occupation: Professional labor avoider/Home IT Specialist
Hobbies: Reading, movies (especially cult classics), music(electronic/psychadelic), internet, philosophy, PSP, bicycling, Binaural Feedback, and understanding how people think and why they think the things they do.
Latest News: Be grateful for all that you have, for no matter how much or how little it is, no matter how warm the sun may be, nothing lasts forever, winter is inevitable.
Favorite Quote: "Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine." - Nichola Tesla (The Future is Your's)

Other interesting tidbits include:

I 'm a philosophical oddball, a wanderer in paradise. What other people around me dislike, I usually enjoy. When it comes to art, be it audio or visual, the stranger the better. I desire greatness, but don't feel I should have to be a slave to gain it. I desire peace, but have trouble getting along with people.

...from his Paltalk profile, where he seems to be the only member of an 'EBE' group under Religion&Spirituality, in the Metaphysical category. Which really makes me wonder -- if he's the owner of a paltalk group about Extraterrestrial Biological Entities, why the hell did he get so riled up about people not even remotely suggesting that he believes what he apparently believes?

Most telling of all would be this:

Relationship Status: It's Complicated
Orientation: Eunich
About Me: I like to watch weird movies, listen to binaural feedback, and try to understand people.
Spiritual Views: Other

I'd believe the eunuch part. And the complicated part....

It's amazing what thirty spare seconds and google can do....

I'm not going to do it. I've already done enough.