You had a good thing there with Lego Star Wars. Lego Batman and both of the Lego Indy games...don't exactly recapture it in all it's entertaining awesomeness, but what is? When you introduce something this awesome with a game that includes magical fucking powers the force, everything else is going to feel strangely inadequate.

I have hope for Lego Harry Potter – though...slightly less hope than I previously had, now that I've played Lego Indy 2.

Oh...by the way – and you had to know this was coming – I have some suggestions. Before you say anything, fictional voice of Traveller's Tales, I'm not deluding myself. I'm not expecting anything. I fully understand that posting something to my own website [and only half-jokingly addressing it to you] is about as useful as knitted socks for fish. However, it's no more passive-aggressive than most things you'll find on the internet. I get that I'm just someone muttering while the rest of the world uses sound amplification methods concerts would envy. And that I'm doing this muttering from another galaxy, possibly in a completely separate universe.

I'm cool with that, though. I wouldn't know what to do with your attention if I actually had it. I barely know what to do with my five and a half actual readers.

So, anyway: suggestions. I have a few.

1. Dropping in is easy, but....

Let's start out with an...easy-ish one. I won't pretend to know what sort of coding goes into making these games work. I get that it's complex, and takes multiple teams of individuals to hammer out such huge, glorious messes [and then another team or two to fix half the bugs before foisting the beta testing on an unsuspecting, paying market]. I doubt this is all that difficult, though.

I'm having pronoun issues, aren't I?

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, the Lego games let a second player 'drop in' by just activating a second controller and pressing 'start'. Dropping out, however, takes a bit more effort. You have to disrupt Player 1 by pausing the game, and scroll down the list to get to 'drop out'. This is just wrong.

See, there are a lot of times where you want to drop out, but it's inconvenient. And I'm sure there'd be a way to do it that wouldn't disrupt the flow of the game. A combination of buttons that wouldn't normally be pressed except to drop out, or one of the unused buttons. I'm sure there is one.

Make it conditional, if you have to. Player 2 can press 'start' to drop in and drop out, and that's all start does for Player 2. Player 1 has control of everything else – the pause screen, whatever. I'm fine with Player 1 being in charge, and I'd be able to drop in and drop out to take care of all those basic bodily functions that seem to plague me more often than my usual gaming partner.

2. The Split-Screen.

This is new to Lego Indy 2, and I kinda like it. Or, I would, if it weren't so...oddly conditional. There are some levels where it just doesn't activate at all. I can't really guess why, but it kinda hurts the whole 'working together to beat something by tackling half of it while the other guy gets the other half' thing.

Go ahead and keep it. But...don't make it so damned...conditional. Let us wander. If we're supposed to be in the same spot, we'll figure it out, okay?

3.Preservation, perfection, and the badness that is progress for the sake of progression.

Did I mention you had a good thing going? You did. And you integrated them nicely into other themes. However, there are some changes you've made to Lego Indy 2 that I really, really hope won't be in Lego Harry Potter.

3a. No hot-swapping? What the fuck is that about?

And, before I get into this....

3b. Dude, where's my free-play?

You've replaced the awesomeness of free-play with bonus/treasure levels? Really? Ugh. No, really. What I loved most about Lego Star Wars was the ability to pick a favourite and stick with it, while knowing that I'd get a shortie and a jumper and a bounty-hunter that I could left-trigger or right-trigger to without much thought. I miss that. A lot.

3c. Really? Spread out spawn points creating an epic, map-wide scavenger hunt for the mystery skill?

Instead of hot-swapping for these specific little no-longer-freeplay missions, you've stuck me with having to search all over Liberty fucking Island for that one unidentifiable wrench guy. And you've crammed him onto an island I can't parachute into from my flying thingie.

Yes. I'm annoyed.

If you want to have special 'take the right guy in' short levels for extras, put them in. But it can't really be that room-consuming to code for free-play and special extras, can it? You can give us both; we won't complain that the game will take longer than six hours to complete.

Unless, of course, you make it longer by forcing players to go on between-play not-really-sidequests looking for the fucking WrenchGuy.

3d. That really says it all. 3D. And perspective.

I ran into some serious issues with Lego Indy 2. It combined the weirdness of the shadows of previous games with an interestingly forced perspective, leading to platforms that looked like they were aligned a certain way, but they actually weren't. If you're going to create a weird, almost side-view platformer, you don't get to fuck it all up by placing objects out of alignment. OR, you have to get the shadows right. Those are your two choices. Alignment, or proper fucking shadows. And, as good as you are, I don't think you're ready for shadows.

3e. Driving levels are wicked fun, but....

No, really. They are. I love them. Mindless, bumper-car fun. Stop trashing the fun with annoyingly difficult puzzles.

You know which one I'm talking about. The jeep, the truck, the horse, and the motorcycle? The switches? The nearly impossible jump over the burning books, and onto that teensy little platform that you somehow have to keep your overly-bouncy jeep from bouncing off of?

Yeah. I thought you'd remember that.

Which brings us to another problem with the vehicles. The phrase 'independent suspension' does not mean that the wheels are entirely without physical relation to the vehicle they're supposed to be attached to. I know, I know: they're Legos, right? But...do they have to be so pointlessly bouncy and yet so completely incapable of getting over a bump? When I wasn't having fun destroying things, I was either waiting for my car to land, or wondering why the hell I couldn't get out of the ditch I finally landed in.

And then, the bounciness never actually worked to my advantage. While I could, without trying, accidentally send a truck flying by running over a random Lego stud, I couldn't get the same lack of gravity to apply when hurling the truck off a cliff to collect one of the balloons.

4.While you're thinking about the rest of this, here's a few even-more-unlikely suggestions.

Okay. I'm being harsh. Lego Indy just wasn't the continuation of the fun-fest I wanted it to be. But you've got a working theme [starting with the tried-and-true Lego Star Wars template, with that interesting good/evil Lego Batman thing that could probably be worked with]. Let's go with that.

You don't have to stick with movie franchises. Really, you don't. There are so many properties out there that have so much Lego Potential. Harry Potter was one of them [though, I'm not entirely sure what you're going to do with Deathly Hallows. So much of that book is 'camping'....]

Since I'm pretending that you're reading this at all, I'll pretend you didn't stop reading the instant I said 'fuck' and got all critical, and that you're willing to listen to my suggestions for potential future Lego games.

Lego Resident Evil

Not the movies. Fuck the movies. I'm talking about the original games, re-worked into a LegoStarWarsian funfest. Take the first three games – you wouldn't really have to do much. Rebuild the levels to fit into a Lego world, keep the puzzles, because, really, they're not that different, and...have fun. The second and third kinda take place in the same area, so you could reuse things, but in unique ways.

C'mon. Little Lego zombies? Little Lego Nemesis? A Lego Plant 42? A Lego Neptune? Having to go back into a level as Lego Nemesis to unlock certain things? C'mon. Talk to Capcom about it. It'll be fun.

Okay. If you have to, get your lawyers to talk to their lawyers. You're owned by Time Warner now, right? They should have a few. If it helps, promise them you'll look at some of their crap for another game while you're at it. Lego games could continue to be instant money if you just remember to keep it enjoyable.

Honestly, that was the only serious suggestion I had. I can come up with a few more, though. Less serious, and potentially problematic if you're looking for cross-platform releasing. Personally, I wouldn't say 'no' to the potential fun of a Lego Legend of Zelda, but I can see Nintendo not being pleased with their boy showing up on another console. Especially after that Philips CD-i fiasco....

Also, I can't really think of a lot of ways to make that into something like Lego Star Wars. Not much for swapping there, so, really, I think you'd be looking at something more of a Legoified remake of the initial game [which could be fun, but probably not something you want to do].

Not that you really need all those elements for a game to be fun. Or even Lego. I just don't know how well it'd go over.

Oh! There's always Pirates of the Caribbean. That could be fun.

If I may wander completely outside of reasonable and find myself in the land of 'rather insane', how 'bout something really strange, like Lego Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

Yeah. That's kinda not likely. But I bet it makes Lego Resident Evil look like a good idea, now, doesn't it?

Just think about it, won't you?

What am I going to do? Well, I'll be watching for these games, or any of these other suggestions to show up in your future Lego games. I figure, I'll see them right around the same time that I see a new EarthBound game released in the US, or perhaps a non-paper, non-sucky sequel of Super Mario RPG.

First, though, I should wrap this up. Can't exactly pretend it's getting read if it's just sitting here where nobody can see it, can I?

Bringing up the older school massacres was good, and...Jack Thompson was oddly useless. And, yeah, eerily emotionless. The man has problems.

I do think they missed a chance to make an even bigger point with the combination of the Columbine footage [overused, but necessary considering the topic] and the kid firing the weapon. The relative juxtaposition of those two clips very nearly makes the point all by itself, but sometimes words can really drive it home.

The point they could've made, that they didn't even touch on [verbally, anyway]? The concept that videogames train you to use the weapons accurately and efficiently. The Columbine Kids, as evidenced in the videos, spent a lot of time working on their aim. The crying 9 year old couldn't even hit the target, even after all that time spent playing.

And, as worried as they seemed to be, I'm guessing that the kid's mom, as cool as she seemed, kinda wanted to do this to her kid. To really teach him a valuable lesson.

Everything else was great, though. They covered the whole fantasy vs. reality thing, the social aspect, the conclusion-driven research. I liked the fact that they mentioned how oddly educational Grand Theft Auto is -- but not in the 'killing hookers for their money' aspect. How hard it is to get out of a gang once you're in, and how there are consequences for your actions. The cops will come after you. You will be killed. They may be slightly unrealistic lessons, but it's still a lesson in the consequences of actions. And slightly relevant to real life.

I was expecting it to be funnier than it was, but maybe they were just taking it slightly more seriously than they usually do. That might be a good thing. As very silly as it seems, it is a serious issue. And, no, not because 'we have to protect the children'.

Or, actually, yes. That's exactly why it's a serious issue. The whole excuse of 'for the children' is the serious issue. That people keep justifying the stupidest fucking bullshit for the children is the issue.

Just fucking stop it, okay?

I'm not kidding. It's all in this article.

If your kids play interactive video games, like the Nintendo Wii, be on the lookout. The Mid-Missouri Internet Crimes Task Force is warning of predators using games like, "Animal Crossing- City Folk," to target kids.

Really? How come the only link between Animal Crossing and pedophiles I can find on the internet is people talking about this article? Must be those devious pedophiles again.

Of course, I didn't really look very hard.

Using the game you create a character and create your own town and house. When hooked up to the internet you can talk to anyone across the country. Kids playing the game have no control over what other players might be saying. For example, the character we ran across could be the man in California police are warning about.

I don't believe you.

No. Really. I don't believe you. I don't believe that you actually got a Wii, and a copy of this game, and sat down to play it.

If you had, you'd know that you don't so much 'create' your own town as 'name it' and answer a few questions which affect the somewhat random layout. You don't go in and say 'Museum goes here, store goes here, and my house goes here.'

And you don't create your own house. You pick one of four houses already built. You can furnish your own house, but that's something entirely else.

But that's just me being picky. Not so picky? And the reason I don't believe you? The fact that I doubt you found anyone willing to trade friend codes with you. You probably don't even know what a fucking 'friend code' is. You probably think Agent S, Frobert, Pekoe, and Static are all actually people who just happen to be online and playing every time you turn the machine on. They're not. And Kid Cat is not the man they identified in California.

"There is no reason an adult should have this game," says Andy Anderson, Mid-Missouri Internet Crimes Task Force.

Anderson says adults playing "animal crossing" and similar games are likely doing it for the wrong reasons.

'Fun' is the wrong reason. Of course.

You probably have told your kids never to talk to strangers, but when playing, the heart of the game is building relationships with the animals in your town as well as other players. To really reach the next level, the game urges you to exchange letters, gifts, and favors.

The 'heart' of the game is actually completing your catalogue. Technically. And you're not actually expected to exchange letters with 'strangers' -- you really can't, because of the friend code system. You're supposed to build relationships with the townsfolk. That's what the favours are all about. You get in good with them, send them letters and presents [and maybe get some foreign fruit back from them], do things for them -- find them a fish they ask for, or give them a piece of furniture that falls into the category they express an interest in. Eventually, they'll give you a picture of themselves. Or, they did, in Animal Crossing: Wild World. I haven't really been playing City Folk as much as I should.

Anderson says it is going to take parents paying attention to keep this problem from exploding.

Something's exploded. And it's because people were paying attention....

"The equipment is real expensive and we cannot afford to buy all of the systems and do not have the resources either to examine all of the possibilities," Anderson explains.

...and this is why you're so painfully wrong. Please do not speak about things when you haven't researched them even a little bit.

Right now, we only know of the three Missouri children who have been contacted. Anderson says this is not something to be paranoid about, but to be aware.

This warning includes any web-based game that allows instant messaging or voice-over IP.

And, again, I don't believe this. I don't think the kids were playing Animal Crossing. I think this might be as much bullshit as the 'Scary Pedophiles on your DS' thing. I think this is more about getting attention than warning parents.

Why? Because, out of the three current systems, the Wii is the most parental-control friendly. Now, I could be dead fucking wrong, since I don't, in fact, own a PS3, but, compared to the Xbox 360's online system [which, again, I have little understanding of], the Wii is locked down pretty tight.

In order to invite someone over to your town [or go over to their town], you both have to have exchanged friend codes. And, in Animal Crossing on the Wii, there's a voice chat option, which uses the Wii Speak -- a room-wide microphone that, I assume, plays the voice of the other person over the speakers of your entertainment system. Which makes it kinda obvious if your kiddies are talking to adults -- unless you're a completely fucking oblivious parent.

...and even an oblivious parent would be able to figure out the Wii Messageboard, where the times spent playing games is posted in a fairly obvious way.

And, speaking of oblivious, have we just not noticed the rating? E. For everyone. Not 'ec', for 'early childhood'. We're not talking about The Koala Brothers: Outback Adventure, or Bob the Builder Can-Do Zoo, or even Freddi Fish ABCs Under the Sea here. Or is Viva Pinata off-limits to adults, too? And the Katamari series? And the Lego Star Wars/Indy/Batman type games? When Lego Harry Potter comes out, are we going to have to create a new rating? K-Tw, Kids to Tweens Only?

Is this some sort of ploy to create a Berlin Wall of Games Ratings? Kids on one side, People Who Qualify to Play M Rated Games on the other?

Okay, that came out all wrong. I'm not calling this a conspiracy or anything, but I gotta wonder if maybe that's what some non-gaming adults are thinking. "Well, videogames are for kids. But we've got these M rated ones that obviously aren't. So maybe we need to make a distinction, and keep adults from playing the ones for kids. Because videogames are for kids."

Here's some news for you: You're wrong. Videogames are not 'just for kids'. They haven't been in a very long time -- pretty much since I was a kid. Perhaps you'd know this, if you bothered to spend more time with your own kids. My mom made time to play games with me -- I'm sure you can do the same. I recommend Lego Star Wars, because you'll at least be playing co-op when your kid pwns you.

Oh, and, in case you need me to spell it out for you? Playing Animal Crossing is not a sign of undesirable, undiscovered proclivities if you happen to be over the age of majority. Not even if you're male.

I mean, seriously. Why the fuck is my Wii telling me that I'm out of fucking credits, and that I should put more coins in? There's no place for that. I don't like it at all.

It got me to go back to Umbrella Chronicles, though, which is fun, right up until you get stuck in one of those single-player missions. Apparently, the game's idea of fair is Wesker vs. Everyfuckingthing. All at once.

...and I'd like to know why Wesker can get hurt. And has a health bar. And why the other infected things keep attacking him. Shouldn't they ignore him like they ignore eachother?

Don't mind me. I'm just annoyed and bitter, because they hid a very special mission after a very impossible mission. And, if I ever get enough stars together to really upgrade the weapons enough, I might try to unlock it.

Or, I might just sit here and replay an easier mission until Gremlin wakes up. Because co-op is even more fun.

Edit: this was supposed to be posted before I went to bed this morning, but it didn't. Some sort of internal server error got in my way, and I didn't notice. Oops.

Now that I've got that out of the way....

I played Left4Dead with Gremlin yesterday -- it's got a 2-player co-op mode, and I love those. And, hey, I enjoyed this one, too, even though it's an FPS, and I hate FPSs with a passion that makes the sun look like one of those cheap hand-cranked LED flashlights. I don't know if it was the 'yay, let's kill zombies!' or the fact that it wasn't all that important [or difficult] to stay alive, or the, uh, piles and piles of pills [okay, not really] I took before even looking at the screen to prevent the godawful headache and nausea that usually accompany just glancing at an FPS, but it was fun. I might even do it again.

...I still loathe the controls, though. You know what I mean. Those fucking first person shooter 'walk with one button, look-with-the-eyes-permanently-affixed-to-your-gun with the other, and god help you if you get them mixed up' shit with zero perhipheral vision. Because, y'know, we humans, we've got this fucked up perspective on reality that involves an awkwardly placed gun sprouting out of the middle of our field of vision where our nose would usually be, and we can't see anything -- ANYTHING -- unless it's straight ahead.

It's a short game -- I still wonder if it was really worth the price -- but I guess I wouldn't hate trying to play it a few more times, to see if maybe I can get the hang of this FPS thing.

I'm...mildly disappointed, in that it's just, y'know, Wild World. With a city. But...I guess it's not all bad. Because, yes, it's Wild World with a city, but...it's on the Wii. And it's kinda fun for that. And it's got some really, really nice new options.

For example, you no longer have to go into your pockets [or briefcase, or whatever] to equip whatever, uh, equipment you want to use. You can use the little d-pad crosshairs thingy [left and right] to cycle through them, and pressing down unequips them. That saves some time.

The 'moving van' thing works nicely, too. I was able to import myself and my catalogue to the Wii with no trouble at all. And, hey, I'm still there on the DS, too. Yay.

There's an in-game camera, and...probably a bunch of stuff I haven't seen yet, since I just got it, and haven't had enough time to discover anything. Also, I decided to quit for the night, because things get annoying after Nook's store closes.

It's one of the new ones. And it's white, with Darth Vader on the battery door.

So far, I like it.

I haven't tried any movies on it [although I now have a few that Gremlin moved off his PSP for me], or music, but I did set the kittylump as the wallpaper [like my phone]. It's become a sort of generic me-wallpaper, I guess.

Anyway...pictures later, or something. Maybe. As if anyone needs to see another one of these things, right?

I kinda wish I'd gotten some proof of that godawful theme. And yes, that probably meant that it was all custom firmwared and everything, but I don't care. I can do that again later. I just wanted the damned thing to start up properly and not get stuck. Because I wanted to spend less battery on that, and more on Loco Roco.

It's...disturbing.

Not much disturbs me, and anyone who knows me should know that. This game...does, a little.

It's rated E for 'Everyone', with notes about 'Alcohol Reference, Comic Mischief,' and 'Mild Fantasy Violence.' No mention of 'More Gayness Than A Gay Pride Parade' or...anything else that happens in the game. I guess the ESRB doesn't concern itself with such things.

I'm not sure if the story from the instruction manual will help, but here it is:

The King of All Cosmos and his family were vacationing on one of their favorite planets.

The King was enjoying a delightful game of tennis with his beloved Queen and Prince.

The King's tennis skills were truly first-rate.

But alas! The King's swing was too strong, and the ball was sent flying into the sky!

The ball flew on and on, and opened up a hole in the sky.

The King and his family gazed up in worry at the dark hole that had popped open...

The Hole began to suck up all sorts of things, for this was that dreadful astrophysical anomalyl; a Black Hole!

The Black Hole hungrily ate up bigger and bigger things.

Growing even bigger, it started to suck up nearby stars as well.

Finally, the very planet istelf was sucked up by the Black Hole!

The King had had enough! He stood up to face the Black Hole.

The King summoned his almighty powers, and in a spectacular fashion, stopped the Black Hole in its tracks.

Harmony has returned to the Great Cosmos, but no one knows when the Black Hole will strike again...

Now, I haven't played much tennis in my life, but I was under the impression that 'tennis skills' included the ability to keep the ball within the white lines....

This game isn't about tennis, though. It's about the end of the universe.

I'm not kidding.

It starts out innocently enough. You're a little green guy with a funny head, and you roll around this ball that has magical sticky-powers...sorta like gravity, but different. Like gravity if gravity were made of strange, size-conditional glue. As the ball gets bigger, you can pick up bigger stuff, and you can access different areas.

There are annoyances. Little mice, at first, that knock you around. Then people. Eventually, you're large enough to pick up both. And then you start picking up whales. And weird nessie-things. And weird T. rex things. And weird stego-things. And weird Godzilla-movie things. Giant squid. Really giant squid. Super-incredible-fucking-giant octopodes. Creepy owls floating around in the street and cows tied to balloons. King Kong. Weather Systems.

...and then the camera's pulled back so far that you're just rolling around on the planet, picking up Paraguay, Belize, former members of the Soviet Union, and Antarctica.

You see where this is going, right?

The ball of stuff gets so big, you're rolling it around in space, picking up planets, stars, and, for some reason, constellations. But I guess that makes sense, since you were picking up the aurora back on Earth.

The game is...frustrating. Enjoyable, though. It's just that there's this part of me that can't look at this giant ball of stuff rolling around on a planet not much larger than it and not think 'y'know, if the ball of stuff were really that big, it'd be turning the planet inside out right now.'

Based on what I assume the goal of the game is -- building a Katamari so big you can plug the black hole with it -- the game seems to be about the 'Big Crunch'. Seriously. You're gathering all the matter in the universe together and cramming it into a black hole...which seems counterproductive, since all you're really doing is feeding this thing that you wanted to stop in the first place. But it's Japanese. Which explains everything, I guess. Only Japan could made an entertaining game that goes from 'clean up this place with a sticky ball' to 'holy shit, ecological disaster' to 'whee, end of the known universe!'

Only Japan could do all that, and make the game in Mexico.

Thanks, Japan.

Edit: I'm going to ruin the nice ending to this post to mention that I'm not sure which little detail I like more -- the Sphinx running away from you when you roll through Egypt, or the screams of all the people when you roll up buildings....

April 29, 2008
MADD Calls on the Entertainment Software Ratings Board to Reclassify Grand Theft Auto IV as an Adults Only Game

Each year nearly 13,500 people die in drunk driving crashes and another half a million are injured in alcohol-related traffic crashes. This is why MADD is extremely disappointed by the decision of the manufacturers of the game Grand Theft Auto IV to include a game module where players can drive drunk.

Drunk driving is not a game and it is not a joke. Drunk driving is a choice, a violent crime and it is also 100 percent preventable. MADD is calling on the Entertainment Software Ratings Board to reclassify Grand Theft Auto IV as an Adults Only game, a step up from the current rating of Mature and for the manufacturer to consider a stop in distribution – if not out of responsibility to society then out of respect for the millions of victims/survivors of drunk driving.

Here's what it really says:

MADD Calls on the ESRB to Demand Help in Getting Attention

Each year we write a lot of press releases. Tons, really. And when we heard about GTA IV, we couldn't take time out of our busy press-release-writing and maternal hand-wringing for lawmakers schedule to actually become informed about the game, we've decided to just jump to the conclusion handed to us by other peoples' articles.

Because we don't know the first thing about this game we're complaining about, we're going to do our best to make ourselves look like the joke that we think GTA IV is making out of drunk driving. [Trite bullshit, words, words, words, emotional argument.] MADD is calling on the ESRB to let us stick our ill-informed, emotionally-reactive noses in where they don't belong. Ban GTA IV, because we haven't a fucking clue. [Hand-wringing, emotional argument, bullshit].

Get the hell out of my country, you hypocrites.

No, seriously. You want it banned, move to a country that's banned it already. This game does not need rerating. Grand Theft Auto IV does not turn 'drunk driving' into a game, or a joke, or even a choice, from what I've seen.

I should probably mention now that I have only watched the game. I have not played it, and therefore am not as well informed as I should be. I do, however, consider myself to be more informed than the person or persons who decided that MADD should be upset over this game.

That said, I do not know if you can actually choose to get drunk outside of certain 'side missions' -- the dates you go out on with various females, and the social activities you do with various friends. I suppose you can choose to not do those activities, or opt to not go to the bar, but that could cause you to not fully complete the game.

And, sure, it's insanely funny to watch the camera wave around in erratic not-quite-circles, and the screen get all blurry when the character is drunk. And it's kinda funny to watch the character fall over and stagger around. But I'm guessing it's not so funny when you're actually trying to get the damned character to go in the direction you're pushing the control stick. That's not really making it into a joke, though, any more than laughing at an IRL drunk.

...oh, and, what the hell was that little notice at the bottom of the screen about recommending that you take a cab when you're in that state? Am I the only one who saw that? I guess you actually have to have at least seen the game played to see that.

Did I call them hypocrites yet? Because they are. At least, it appears that they are, because I can't find them comlpaining about The Save A Life Tour, which also turns drunk driving into a game. Literally. They have a big videogame that's only about drunk driving.

I don't see a rating on it, though. I guess that could be because they're not distributing it, but it's marketed to kids, and it has a mature theme. Where are the complaints? MADD? Hmm? I'm waiting....

Either become more informed, or shut the hell up. Don't try to ban something without knowing what it is.

Computer games to get cigarette-style health warnings

Video games will be forced to carry cigarette-style health warnings under proposals to protect children from unsuitable digital material.

The report, commissioned by the Prime Minister in response to a growing moral panic about video games, will conclude that they can harm the development of children’s beliefs and value systems and desensitise them to violence. It will also recommend that retailers who sell video games to anyone under the age rating on the box should face a hefty fine or up to five years in prison, The Times has learnt.

The report, written by Tanya Byron, the clinical psychologist and television parenting guru, is also expected to address the dangers of children’s use of the internet.

“Parents are afraid to let their children out,” she said. “So they keep them at home, but allow them to take risks online.”

She will call for a massive campaign to educate parents, teachers and childcarers about how to ensure that children get maximum benefit from the digital world without being exposed to its dangers.

This will include a drive for greater awareness of inappropriate content such as pornography. Parents will be encouraged to monitor children’s online use and keep computers in living rooms rather than bedrooms. Dr Byron, a Times columnist who has two children aged 9 and 12, said that video and online games could have enormous benefits “in terms of learning and development”, but that there was too little awareness among parents about the associated risks they posed and how to manage those risks.

“You would not send your child to the pool without teaching them to swim, so why would you let them online without teaching them to manage the risks?” she said.

Dr Byron said that the current classification system for video games was confusing and not tough enough. At present only games showing sex or gross violence require an age rating from the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) and fewer than 2 per cent of titles carry an 18-certificate.

The alternative Pan-European Game Information system is considered to be ineffective because it uses symbols that are confusing and distributors effectively chose their own ratings by filling in a form about their product.

Dr Byron wants a single statutory classification system. Ratings would have to be displayed prominently on all packaging materials, like health warnings on cigarettes, as well as on shop display cases.

“We have to make child digital safety a priority. If you are under 18, you should not be able to buy an ‘18’ game and if you are under 12, you should not be able to buy a ‘12’ game,” she said. She also wants all games consoles to contain blocking mechanisms that would enable parents to prevent children playing unsuitable games on them.

In other news, I added a new product to my store. I'm having second thoughts about it, though, because I've been told that people might not understand it without there being words.