I'm not kidding. It's all in this article.

If your kids play interactive video games, like the Nintendo Wii, be on the lookout. The Mid-Missouri Internet Crimes Task Force is warning of predators using games like, "Animal Crossing- City Folk," to target kids.

Really? How come the only link between Animal Crossing and pedophiles I can find on the internet is people talking about this article? Must be those devious pedophiles again.

Of course, I didn't really look very hard.

Using the game you create a character and create your own town and house. When hooked up to the internet you can talk to anyone across the country. Kids playing the game have no control over what other players might be saying. For example, the character we ran across could be the man in California police are warning about.

I don't believe you.

No. Really. I don't believe you. I don't believe that you actually got a Wii, and a copy of this game, and sat down to play it.

If you had, you'd know that you don't so much 'create' your own town as 'name it' and answer a few questions which affect the somewhat random layout. You don't go in and say 'Museum goes here, store goes here, and my house goes here.'

And you don't create your own house. You pick one of four houses already built. You can furnish your own house, but that's something entirely else.

But that's just me being picky. Not so picky? And the reason I don't believe you? The fact that I doubt you found anyone willing to trade friend codes with you. You probably don't even know what a fucking 'friend code' is. You probably think Agent S, Frobert, Pekoe, and Static are all actually people who just happen to be online and playing every time you turn the machine on. They're not. And Kid Cat is not the man they identified in California.

"There is no reason an adult should have this game," says Andy Anderson, Mid-Missouri Internet Crimes Task Force.

Anderson says adults playing "animal crossing" and similar games are likely doing it for the wrong reasons.

'Fun' is the wrong reason. Of course.

You probably have told your kids never to talk to strangers, but when playing, the heart of the game is building relationships with the animals in your town as well as other players. To really reach the next level, the game urges you to exchange letters, gifts, and favors.

The 'heart' of the game is actually completing your catalogue. Technically. And you're not actually expected to exchange letters with 'strangers' -- you really can't, because of the friend code system. You're supposed to build relationships with the townsfolk. That's what the favours are all about. You get in good with them, send them letters and presents [and maybe get some foreign fruit back from them], do things for them -- find them a fish they ask for, or give them a piece of furniture that falls into the category they express an interest in. Eventually, they'll give you a picture of themselves. Or, they did, in Animal Crossing: Wild World. I haven't really been playing City Folk as much as I should.

Anderson says it is going to take parents paying attention to keep this problem from exploding.

Something's exploded. And it's because people were paying attention....

"The equipment is real expensive and we cannot afford to buy all of the systems and do not have the resources either to examine all of the possibilities," Anderson explains.

...and this is why you're so painfully wrong. Please do not speak about things when you haven't researched them even a little bit.

Right now, we only know of the three Missouri children who have been contacted. Anderson says this is not something to be paranoid about, but to be aware.

This warning includes any web-based game that allows instant messaging or voice-over IP.

And, again, I don't believe this. I don't think the kids were playing Animal Crossing. I think this might be as much bullshit as the 'Scary Pedophiles on your DS' thing. I think this is more about getting attention than warning parents.

Why? Because, out of the three current systems, the Wii is the most parental-control friendly. Now, I could be dead fucking wrong, since I don't, in fact, own a PS3, but, compared to the Xbox 360's online system [which, again, I have little understanding of], the Wii is locked down pretty tight.

In order to invite someone over to your town [or go over to their town], you both have to have exchanged friend codes. And, in Animal Crossing on the Wii, there's a voice chat option, which uses the Wii Speak -- a room-wide microphone that, I assume, plays the voice of the other person over the speakers of your entertainment system. Which makes it kinda obvious if your kiddies are talking to adults -- unless you're a completely fucking oblivious parent.

...and even an oblivious parent would be able to figure out the Wii Messageboard, where the times spent playing games is posted in a fairly obvious way.

And, speaking of oblivious, have we just not noticed the rating? E. For everyone. Not 'ec', for 'early childhood'. We're not talking about The Koala Brothers: Outback Adventure, or Bob the Builder Can-Do Zoo, or even Freddi Fish ABCs Under the Sea here. Or is Viva Pinata off-limits to adults, too? And the Katamari series? And the Lego Star Wars/Indy/Batman type games? When Lego Harry Potter comes out, are we going to have to create a new rating? K-Tw, Kids to Tweens Only?

Is this some sort of ploy to create a Berlin Wall of Games Ratings? Kids on one side, People Who Qualify to Play M Rated Games on the other?

Okay, that came out all wrong. I'm not calling this a conspiracy or anything, but I gotta wonder if maybe that's what some non-gaming adults are thinking. "Well, videogames are for kids. But we've got these M rated ones that obviously aren't. So maybe we need to make a distinction, and keep adults from playing the ones for kids. Because videogames are for kids."

Here's some news for you: You're wrong. Videogames are not 'just for kids'. They haven't been in a very long time -- pretty much since I was a kid. Perhaps you'd know this, if you bothered to spend more time with your own kids. My mom made time to play games with me -- I'm sure you can do the same. I recommend Lego Star Wars, because you'll at least be playing co-op when your kid pwns you.

Oh, and, in case you need me to spell it out for you? Playing Animal Crossing is not a sign of undesirable, undiscovered proclivities if you happen to be over the age of majority. Not even if you're male.

Wii now being blamed for Rise in Violence, Nintendo being Sued

Well this was bound to happen, a new report suggests that “concerned parents” are blasting the Wii for an incident involving a thirteen year-old who attacked three of his class mates. One parent who is the founder of Parents Against Wii movement is now planning to sue Nintendo for $52 Million (is this the only way to make money these days? Open up a non-profitable organization and give your self a nice salary or sue someone?) .

In fact Dewy’s Adventure is one of those games that are being blamed (WTH?)…

Click here for Report

On second thought, do it. Take it seriously. Then I have something to laugh at.

In honour of the new year [and because I was bored, and Gremlin did it first], I restarted my Animal Crossing: Wild World town.

A while back, when I was thoroughly hooked on the game and could think of nothing else, I would mentally compose blog entries from the point of view of my character in the game. Today's would've gone something like this:

I got sick of Nowhere, so I decided to move. Also, I was so sick of being me that I deleted myself and got a new face.

Podsixia [my new home] is...a lot like Nowhere. Except it's like Nowhere when I first moved there. Same crappy little store, same empty Museum, and goddamnit, same fucking raccoon. What'd he do, clone himself? I can't get away from him.

As usual, he made me do a whole bunch of work for almost no money [no actual money, anyway, just a lousy thousand bells off my mortgage -- and I miss my big house, but not the roach infestation I came back to after my six month vacation].

Part of that 'work' was meeting the other residents -- some strange dayglow frog with a workout fetish, a freakish native american totem pole with a female name that starts with A, and a goat.

At least my house is on the far edge of town, away from everything. It makes it easier to hide the bodies....

At least I got the freakish black bug-eyes this time. It makes the mental storyline of my character being a crazed serial killer that 'moves people out' and sends letters saying they've moved out so much easier to believe....

While I was thinking about resetting the game, I noticed that I have way too many Nintendo DS games for my clever Altoids Gum Tin Carrying Case idea. I've filled three of the things, and that doesn't include the Max Media Drive I got last year...because that's somewhere that's else. Gremlin has it.

Unfortunately, nobody seems to make nice little wallets for DS games that carry more than the average gum tin.

From the land of random: I got an extremely late birthday card today, included in a package that contained the recent National Geographic -- the one with the Dracorex hogwartsia [who's responsible for that one?] on the cover. Unfortunately, the supplemental wasn't in the magazine.

The card was cute, though. It's got this precious little orange tabby kitten in a jeans pocket. I can't read half of what's written in it, but I think that was expected.

Anyway, have a very wonderful NoMailDay [and a delayed service day in general -- my trash doesn't go until Wednesday], and...I'm going to try very hard to get these damned suckers right on this one drawing I've been working on since before I got this wonderful new wacom.

I'll give you a hint. It's not the power cable, because that's down there with the thing to hook it up to the TV [which is actually the same thing as the N64 and the Gamecube].

Also, it's not the games.

Figure it out yet?

And yes, I looked everywhere. Everywhere except in the wrapped presents. They're not in the chips. They're not in the clothes. They're not anywhere.

This is the closest I've been to this thing in I don't know how many years, and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITH IT. This is almost as having to wait for the third box.

No, wait. This is even more unfair. This is cruel. I mean, look. There's Super Mario RPG, and Tetris Attack, and the original Mario Kart! And Zelda! And Super Mario World. And Super Mario All Stars. And I can't play a single one of them....

And I can't just run down to the game store to get controllers, because it's MIDNIGHT.

Stupid format wars.

I'm also not getting my NES, partly because my NES quit working years ago, and was replaced with a yard sale NES. My mom had the thing open and in pieces this morning, trying to get it to work right.

I guess I'll have to get one at gamexplosion, and I probably will if I get my old games back. I had a lovely, shiny Legend of Zelda....

I don't know why I want my NES, or even my SNES. I know I could probably get these games some other way, but...I don't know. Nostalgia, maybe? I want to play them the way I used to.

I'm kinda thinking about digging out the Atari and hooking it up, too.

Oh, in case you're wondering what a 'gamexplosion' is, it's this:

They have a lot of stuff.

So far, the store's been pretty good to me. We got a Genesis3 there, which had this little spontaneous reset issue, and they let us trade it for a Genesis2 that works wonderfully. The last time we were in there, we got a game that, well, I guess they forgot to give us the game part [happens a lot with used games], and we were able to get the problem fixed without any real problems.

...I guess that wasn't actually 'the last time we were in there', but 'the last time we bought stuff there'. The actual 'last time we were in there', they had five or six NESs on display.

Like any good thing existing in the modern world, gamexplosion has a website, and a forum.

And they make use of cute animal pictures to warn you that you're on camera.

They're kinda local, though. If you happen to be in the area, you can probably use them for your gaming needs. If not, maybe they'll get an online store up and running eventually.

I couldn't really get a good picture of the feather stylus. I don't really know why -- I can do ice, so why can't I do clear plastic in black foam?

There's also the AllPosters thing that's actually gone on for several posts now, and is still going on in that 'we've sent your complaint on to the proper individual' sort of way, because my damn Saw IV is still not double-sided.

Those of you who aren't very picky might not understand what's so upsetting about those two pictures. Those of you who've ever collected things might, however, feel a little sick just looking at it. Bent edges. The horror.

That'd be Saw IV, in all its Not Very Double-Sided glory. With a little Order of the Phoenix, being quite lovely with its double-sidedness as a contrast.

Yes. I bought a Harry Potter poster. It's got Voldemort on it. I couldn't resist.

That's most of the catch-up. I'll have to do a whole Sears thing later, and maybe a spaychul selection of some of the better pictures from the snow the other day, and the interesting sunset a few days before that.

It's really neat, though. It cost them $1.30 to ship, and came in this long slidey thing with a foam filled box inside. The stylus is all clear and neat, and probably completely useless.

But it was free, so yay.

Even better: when you register the game, you qualify for another one of nintendo's freebies-for-registering-your-products offers! Some sort of feather stylus thing. I wasn't really clear on what I was actually signing up for. I kinda missed the picture. But I'm pretty sure it's a feather stylus.

I can't wait to get more games that qualify for these strange free goodies. I hear Brain Age 2 has one. If I get that as a gift, I hope the offer is still going on. I love free stuff!

I'll have more to say about the Wario game eventually. I took pictures and everything....