This might be one of those, assuming it doesn't already exist.

So, I've got this DVR through Comcast, and I noticed a few things about it, and it's given me an idea for a feature it could probably have with a little bit of extra work on...someone else's part.

If you've got a DVR, you've probably noticed that show names show up, and change when you rewind past it to a different show. That's coded somewhere, I'm sure, and sent to the box.

That's important to know, because that's basically what my 'idea' involves, except potentially a little more complicated...because...lemme think how to word this....

Ever seen an ad for a show and thought 'yeah, I want to set up a recording for that'? If you're like me, you don't want to even bother going in to use the search function, because it's tedious. And tracking it down in the onscreen guide can be a pain in the ass, too.

So, here it is: let people set up a recording for the show through the ad for the show. A little extra code embedded in the ad that would let you easily set up a recording for that specific show.

I can see the potential for an evil side to this, but...I kinda want this ease.

Also, if I somehow managed to think of it first, I totally want paid.

Nothing here, so don't bother looking around. Or, do. Because it really doesn't hurt me either way. But I got a bunch of stuff done, so, interesting.

Because, mostly, I don't get much done. Mostly.

In the past couple of...I don't know. Days or so...I managed to get the theme over at gremlin.net working, then I went straight into tweaking a theme for Wasted, Inc.

gremlin.net took a while because I was starting from scratch; Wasted, however, was pretty quick, since it was heavily based on a theme that already existed, and all I really had to do was...gut it. I'm good at that.

Since I was doing so good, I decided that it was time to dive into something I'd never actually done before: a skin for phpbb3. Starting out with a theme that kindasorta had what I kindasorta wanted, I went through, learned everything I could, and applied it to the board. Thanks to some inspiration from some phpbb3 theme site that I can't get to load for me right now, and a lot of help from the phpbb knowledgebase, I was able to add whole new template files. Sure, the board doesn't look exactly like the blog, but it's damned close.

Now I'm moving on to another skin. Because working on that is so much better than bothering to think up anything for any of my dormant projects.

So, I've got this theory [theory, definition 4, 'shit I just made up'] -- all this productivity is bad. It's a symptom of something. Combine that with the fact that I've watched far too much House MD, and I came up with cancer [because it's never lupus, except for that once].

If you're unfamiliar with the show, there's usually one theory involving cancer. The cancer is either causing paraneoplastic syndrome, or secreting some naturally-occuring hormone that causes bad things.

Thinking about it now, both work for this theory.

Cancer version 1 could easily be causing an overzealous immune response, and said response could be attacking my naturally-occurring...um...procrastination cells. Procrastanocytes. Yeah. Now, normally, I have a very high natural level of procrastanocytes, but they're being killed off by this immune response, leading me to actually get things done.

Never heard of procrastanocytes? Well, they're these little cells in your blood that just sorta hang around and don't do much. They don't really even circulate, unless they get picked up by something else. They'll often collect in the brain and just hang out for years, not really doing much of anything. When this happens, you can come up with brilliant reasons for why you shouldn't bother doing things until later.

Cancer version 2, on the other hand, is just pumping out massive quantities of productivity. Productivity I don't have an unclever name for. But we'll just pretend that productivity is some sort of neuro-chemical thingy that makes you productive.

I'm not really sure where these cancers would hang out, but I'm guessing it's not my brain. My first thought was 'pancreas', because it already makes insulin, so why not a tumour that pumps out productivity? But the first one? My money's on spleen.

Because...spleen.

So, what's the treatment for a fictional cancer [for which the only symptom is 'getting shit done']?

I should probably be a little more clear, shouldn't I? I'm talking about gay marriage – well, marriage, really. 'Marriage' being the 'ball', and the people bitching about the 'sanctity' thereof being those who need to shut the fuck up and go home.

Because I've got an idea. A really awesome idea – awesome because it's mine, and I'm feeling particularly awesome right now.

Don't worry; it'll pass.

Here's my idea: ditch the term. Let them have their word. Just the word, though – okay, and the bullshit church ceremonies that go with the word, but not the rights.

You 'sanctity of marriage' types want gays stuck with 'civil unions'; gays want the rights. It's a compromise. A good compromise.

But, wait – there's more.

While we're doing this, we've got a great chance to fix this rather fucked up system. No, not with semi-facetious 'divorce bans'. I mean really fix it.

It starts with replacing 'marriage' with 'civil union', transferring all rights from one term to the other, and opening it up to both heterosexual and homosexual couples.

Weddings and 'marriage' ceremonies will still exist, and still carry about as much legal weight as they do now, but the 'civil union license' won't enter into it. You'll still be able to have your Special Pretty Princess Daaa-aay™ – nothing about that will change. It'll still be a pointless, overpriced ceremony that'll leave you with fewer friends than you went in with, a fucking huge pile of debt, and the slightly ishy feeling when you notice that someone had their poodles married under the same flower arrangements.

Here's where things start to get a little fuzzy for me, because there are states' rights issues, and all manner of other things. I'll just get it out of the way up front: people who are already married don't have to worry about these next suggestions. People who want to, though?

Step 1. The Civil Union Permit.

You've met your soul mate. The one being in all possible universions that you're meant to be with [this week]. You love him/her, always and forever, or until the fall fashions hit the retail version of a second-run cinema. You want to get married now, now, right now, right now NOW damnit NOW and run barefoot through some Valtrex ad.

Well, you can't. Not under my system. Stop stamping your foot and caterwauling about the 'sacredidity' of your Elvis-in-a-pink-UFO drivethrough wedding [with free Taco Bell!], and the subsequent divorce one day later....

Go out with that person – and only that person – for at least six months. Yeah, I know, that seems a little arbitrary, but work with me here. At six months, the two of you can go in and get a 'civil union permit' – assuming you're both over eighteen.

There will be no fourteen year olds getting married to their father's drinking buddy under my system.

If you haven't already, move in together. Do not skip this step; it's important. You can't qualify for the civil union license without cohabitation.

What? Can't cohabit without a blessing from your deity of choice? Doesn't matter. Go get that blessing, and move in together. It doesn't matter to the rest of us – our state is separate from your church.

Why am I making such a big deal about living together? Ever hear that line about how you don't buy a car without test-driving it first? No, I'm not talking about sex, here – not entirely – just living together. Two people; one flat. One bedroom, even. Because you don't buy a car without test-driving it, and you don't commit to spend the rest of your life with someone without knowing if you can stand to live in the same several hundred square feet.

The permit only grants you certain privileges. What those would be, though, I'm not entirely certain. Let's face it – there are a fuckton of rights, privileges and responsibilities laid out in the US Code. I'm thinking that a permit probably wouldn't grant you spousal benefits with Social Security or Veterans stuff. It might get you a special provisional admittance into certain military things. Since it's just a permit, though, you obviously don't get the full thing. Think of it as a learner's permit, but, instead of learning how to drive, you're learning how to be married.

Probably, it'll grant you the right to file joint tax returns. It'll be up to the insurance companies whether or not to grant coverage to the probationary spouse.

Does this sound like a lot of work? Good. Getting married is too damn easy as it is.

The permit lasts for two years. If you still want to get married at the end of that two years, you can apply for a 'civil union license'. If not, it expires, and that's it. If you want out before that, you can cancel the permit.

If you cancel the permit and break up and get back together, and want to reapply, you're going to have to wait. First 'offence' would probably be 90 days; second would be about six months. Third: a year. Do it again, and you'll probably be denied. Stop wasting everyone's time with your drama.

You might be able to renew it, if you, for whatever reason, feel you aren't ready to move on. I'm not sure how long renewals will last. It's not really required, but it'll smooth things along if you can't be bothered to meet certain other requirements.

Want to skip all this? You can, if you're both over, say, 25, have provably lived together for at least two years, and...possibly some other requirements. You can skip over the permit and head straight to....

Step 2: Civil Union License

Yes. Here it is. The license. The thing that grants you all 1,138 rights, benefits, responsibilities, privileges, and possibly penalties.

If you're under 25 and have gone through the permit process [meaning you've lived together for two and a half years total], or, if you [and your intended spouse] are both over 25 and have lived together for two years, you can apply for a civil union license.

Am I repeating myself? Yeah. But I think I'm trying to make a point here.

Don't ask me what it is; I'm not entirely sure yet....

Once you've gotten to this point, you've already got a trial period under your belt. You haven't killed each other over the wet towels on the bathroom floor. You've got routines worked out, learned that a relationship is work and compromise and not even a little bit about horseback rides down beaches at sunset.

Also, you're reaching the end of that first stage, and potentially moving away from the 'insatiable lustbunny' part of the relationship, and into the slightly more 'comforting just being together' part. Mostly, though, you've learned to coexist, which is good. In the current system, you could find yourself suddenly living with someone you never lived with before, and...if you've never had a roommate, you might not understand why this is a horrible idea.

You might've also figured out whether or not you're sexually compatible. This is kinda a big deal. One of you wants an open relationship, but the other doesn't? That's going to be an issue. Fetishes don't mesh? Might not work. These are things you need to work out – and I'm not just talking about in this hypothetical system I'm inventing.

Getting back to the convoluted mess I'm making, though: the application process. I'm thinking that, somewhere in there, it might be a good idea to require STD testing for both parties. Hell, it might be a good idea to require that for the permit. The application process could include the optional 'delay of approval' if the couple wishes to include some sort of external contract [a prenuptial agreement] or, if it happens to be important for whatever reason, fertility testing. These things wouldn't be required unless the couple agrees that they should be.

There would probably be a sort of short interview process in which the couple sits down with someone to go over the details, making sure everyone involved knows what they're getting into, assuring full disclosure and all that. Then, once everything is verified, in order, and reasonably comprehended, you're issued your 'civil union license'.

Oh, by the way, you'll have to renew it. If you want to remain spouses, that is. It's not as big a deal as getting it issued. Both parties need to be present. There may be a way to do this digitally – like the online renewal of drivers' licenses – but both parties have to agree to it.

See what I did there? I did away with divorce. Ha ha.

Okay, not entirely. There are still situations in which the civil union might be dissolved early. For example: you just found out that your previously perfect husband is sneaking into your daughter's room for a little midnight buggery. In most cases, though, it'd be much easier to just let the license expire. If your previously decent spouse suddenly turns into an abusive shithead, and you just wanted to escape and forget about it, you could. He or she wouldn't be able to renew the license without you.

Lawyers needn't worry too much; I'm sure they'll still be needed to sort out bitter property and custody disputes after licenses are left to expire. In situations without kids, however, where the couple is no longer a couple [one has changed, they can no longer stand living together, whatever], it just...seems much simpler this way. No more long, drawn out divorces. No more finding out that you're still married because some idiot didn't get the papers filed by a certain date.

Yeah, okay, I'm basing all this rather heavily on the driver's license model, but it just seems appropriate to me. People change; sometimes people change a lot. You jump into a relationship young, you're not really done becoming whoever you're going to be. Neither is the other person. And, yeah, I know that's true even past 25.

This is obviously a very rough plan. I'm not entirely sure how to account for people coming in from another country to become the spouse of an American. I think that, whatever it may be, it'd be convoluted enough that it might reduce the number of purchased brides. That could be a benefit.

As I mentioned before, people who are already 'married' under the current system would remain married. They could choose to opt into the 'renewal' process, but, if they didn't want to, renewal wouldn't be required. They would simply remain married. Rather, they would have a 'civil union' that didn't require renewal.

The number of years between renewal would probably vary, and there could be an option to renew for a different number of years. Two or five or, at some later point, even ten. And, if you make it to a certain number of years together [after a certain age, possibly], you could make it 'permanent'.

If you'd rather just get married, go ahead. Have the ceremony. But remember: the 'rights' only apply to the governmentally issued contract. Church + State != nummy peanutbutter cups, so stop trying to mix them up. You'll just end up with a nasty, icky jar of premixed peanutbutter and green jalapeño jelly.

Why all this? Partly because a bunch of whiny little brats don't want those nasty, nasty homosexuals playing in their sandbox because ew gay cooties I might catch the homosex oh no, but not entirely. I mostly just think that a lot of things could be avoided if people just stopped jumping into marriage the instant they meet someone who makes their insides feel all squidgy.

There might be easier ways to fix that second issue. The first bit [gay marriage] would just require repealing [and possibly burning] the Defense of Marriage Act, and replacing it with a 'Gays are people, too, so STFU Act' [or whatever]. The second? Maybe, instead of abstinence-only sex-ed, we could consider...something a little more realistic. Say, 'Not having sex is okay, but, if you're gonna, here's how to be careful, and why' education...possibly with a bit of 'oh, and here's a bunch of stuff you should expect when you get into that sort of relationship' education. Teach them a bit about the difference between 'lust' and the sort of love that goes with a long-term relationship. Maybe teach them about how a relationship involves compromise and hardship and really very little in the way of gallant knights who are also well-paid professionals zipping up in their modern equivalent of a noble steed to rescue the swooning maiden....

Yeah. I know. Schools teaching that? The knight/swooning maiden thing is far more likely. So: permits, licenses, renewals.

That's...pretty much it. My wonderfully awful idea.

It started with 'I'll never dye my hair.' But I kinda did. Then I swore I'd never go for black, because that'd be wrong.

...as you can see, I kinda did anyway.

Really, this is two 'nevers' in one. I also swore I'd never have hair that was two different colours. But, hey. Why the hell not. I think I'm going to just go ahead and dye the rest of it red. Really, really red. Because, hey, why not.

Also, I may actually be the worst procrastinator known to man. Because I actually went to the trouble of logging back in for the first time in...I don't know how long...instead of doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm supposed to be reading through Lurkers, I think. Or maybe finding the power cable thingy for the outdated Lexmark AIO down in 'the office', because we have a ton of ink for that, so Lurkers can be printed out on a couple hundred pieces of paper that might or might not be around.

Or maybe I'm supposed to be working on a website, instead of staring at the half-goneness of my PSP's battery. Or anything else, instead of playing whatever I just got from Gamefly.

Thinking about it, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe I just shouldn't be awake.

Is it wrong to hope so? Because what I really want to see is how people respond to metal detectors and cops searching people.

When I wasn't posting about spam and pedophiles or chatting, I've mostly been reading about Scientology [still]. Except for those few surprisingly warm days when we went wandering around the local stores.

Except...it wasn't all that warm, and I was noticing that something very important was absent from my coat collection. Something for those transitional seasons, when it was windy and often wet, that wouldn't keep me too warm, but would keep me warm enough.

So, after checking out the new Play-n-Trade, we went over to Kohls. And after trying on every athletic sneaker in the shoe department in the quest for the perfect shoe, [Nike is comfortable, but...not quite perfect. Close, though.] we went digging through the rest of the store looking for coats that weren't entirely useless or completely ugly.

It turns out that coats that are both 'not entirely useless' and 'not completely ugly' are generally kept in the male-gender sections.

I found this in the boy's section, on the clearance rack.

I'm not too thrilled about the colour, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Obviously, I was okay enough with it to buy it.

I'm glad I did, too. I've been wearing it on every trip out since, usually only the outer shell. See, it's got this zip-out liner that's also a fleece that can be worn on its own. The shell then becomes a slightly-warmer-than-expected lightweight springish jacket. With an MP3 pocket. And a hideaway hood that I haven't even tried yet.

The fleece compresses down nicely, and can fit into one of the smaller compartments of my backpack [which I also never leave home without at this point], so when it gets too cold for just the jacket, I can zip the fleece back into it, and be...less cold. Except 'less cold' isn't really the word for it. Depending on what else I'm wearing, 'too fucking warm' might be a better representation.

On Tuesday, we made a nighttime store trip to get a few more cases of soda before the sale ended. Knowing it was below freezing, I wore one of my hoodies along with this Coat of Warm, thus becoming 'Too Fucking Warm.'

Which isn't always a bad thing, I guess.

Backtracking a bit, to pre-coat days, one of our trips to get soda brought us to this very weird scene:

What appears to have happened is that someone [probably a drunk someone] ended up driving on the sidewalk, flattened the speed limit sign [that would be the object opposite the snow], and then continued to drive down the sidewalk until reaching the grocery store parking lot.

The speed limit there is 25, by the way. Just so you know. So you can be the one person aware of it, because nobody else coming around the corner and trying to hit everyone who crosses there seems to be aware of it.

The last time I was down there during the day time, the tracks weren't quite as obvious. I don't know if they've replaced the sign yet, though.

That would be the 'last time I was down there and paid attention', that is. Which, unfortunately, was probably 'when I took those pictures'. Usually, it's night, although there were two day trips very recently.

The first was where I found out that carrying soda back on my bike hurts my delicate female bottom, and the second was when I bought a nice new bike seat, and found out that the bike store near here is actually pretty competitive in its pricing.

This was my old bike seat -- the one that came with the bike. It'd hurt you, too, I'm sure.

This is the new one. I haven't tried it yet, because it's been too cold.

So cold, the aliens are stopping by and leaving funny patterns in the snow.

Also, I'm wary of riding my bike at night. I wouldn't want to end up a smear on the sidewalk between two wheel ruts on my way to the store to get some more soda, or Yan Yan.

I couldn't help myself. They were just sitting there, looking like a chocolatey dipping sauce/cookie stick kids snack that I used to enjoy. And then I found out that there were entertaining engrishey phrases on the cookie sticks....

Which is almost as entertaining as:

Good home my for my gray ferrel cat, must keep indoors, have vet.

Overlooking the 'my for my' thing as much as possible, 'ferrel'? That's one of two things, a typo for feral, or a typo for Ferrell. The cat's either wild, or Will Ferrell.

I wouldn't keep either of them in my house. The feral one would be upset, and the Ferrell might upset Zombi.

I wouldn't want to upset Zombi.

Wouldn't even want to keep her from stuffing her head so far into Gremlin's [empty] cup of milk that she gets it kinda stuck....

I think that's all the images I wanted to use, except for one.

That'd be the size tag of my new coat.

Also, there's that horrible 'why would I ever put my TV where the washer is, because the washer could randomly explode and destroy it' thing. But I could probably get over that if it weren't for the whole 'I have so many movies I could probably build a scale model of the sun, if the sun were made out of DVDs' issue.

Also, I don't really like the idea of re-running wires twice a year. So I'd probably have to have two sets of wires cut all special, and maybe two sets of speaker stands. And at that point, you start wondering why you don't just have one TV upstairs and one downstairs.

I don't want to be the person with more working TVs than people in my house. Bad enough I have more working monitors than currently-running computers. And more DVD players than TVs.

I'm just saying that it'd be nice, but it's a really stupid idea.