Wait, what? Craigslist edition.

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So, here I was, miding my own business, watching Law&Order:CI [because there was nothing better to do], when a conversation happened.

Not an unusal event. Conversations happen all the time, especially through IM. Some of them are stupid. This one wasn’t in that category.

Then things got weird.

See, I was talking to someone I know about computers and stuff, and someone he knew dropped by to talk to him. There was mention of reading this site, and funny, and then there was…craigslist.

I’m sure we all know craigslist by now. It’s that thing which might be, like Earth, “Mostly Harmless,” but for that gigantic, malignant…I don’t know, Mos Eisley. A wretched hive of lol, wut?

I’m not sure how this came about, but it ended with a search query type link to the denver craigslist. And you know what links are like — especially links that lead to craigslist.

Craigslist….

You know how the stereotypical horror movie works, right? Innocent person, minding their own business, suddenly, a series of events and maliciously poor writing conspire to lead said innocent to the stoop of That Place One Should Never Investigate. But what could possibly go wrong. The building’s not on fire or anything, so what harm can it do to just wander in? Naturally, I clicked, because the link wasn’t in a horror movie, or on fucking fire.

It won’t hurt to just check it out, after all. Right?

Wrong.

I think about you every day I MISS YOU so much. I wonder if you are happy, ok and if you ever think about me…I never ment to cause you pain I loved you so much and guess I still do…Nothing better then a good Miriah Carey song to take me back to you….so much time has gone by you’d think the pain of missing you would be over by now but in my heart it still feels like yesturday…I hope you are well and happy where ever you are…. KK

I should probably explain, because I skipped a step. You see, the search was on ‘gremlin’. There are, at this time, four posts. You can see for yourself, maybe. For a short time. The one I copied up there was the earliest. The search results as I see them right now look like this:

Apr 4 – Re: Broke! Gremlin? – w4m – <<missed connections
Mar 27 – I GUESS, it’s time to just let you go…. Gremlin – w4m – 42 – (Broomfeild) <<missed connections
Mar 17 – Where are you Roche???? – w4m – 42 – (North Denver) <<missed connections
Mar 15 – I miss you Gremlin – 43 – (North Denver) <<missed connections

Before I go on, let me make one thing clear. This isn’t a ‘zomg cheater!’ type post or anything like that. This is all about the ‘wait, what? WHAT?!’ “Nothing better then a good Miriah Carey song to take me back to you” Seriously, what?!

Just based on that line alone, I don’t blame this person, whoever they are, for leaving this other, more annoying person. Mariah Carey makes dogs’ heads explode. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy left her by way of a shotgun to his own head.

Subject: Where are you Roche????
I thought I was over you I thought I had moved on just as you have…But everyday Iam consumed with thoughts of you and visions of holding you again.. so much as happened so much has changed. Im really working hard at getting my life back together going to school doing counseling,but no matter how hard I try I cant stop MISSING YOU….Will you ever see this I dont know I can only hope. My life doesnt feel complete without you… I love you and miss you gremlin…..I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!

All I can say is, less internet, more school.

Subject: I GUESS, it’s time to just let you go…. Gremlin
I guess, I was hoping for a miricle… as I check daily for some kind of response from you, but it has never come. I guess you must still be involved with her or someone new. I just hope you find happiness…. and true love like I did with you.I know we, had are ups and downs, and I know I did my share at contributing to are break up.. My wish if I had one would be, to have a second chance as, my love for you is still, very strong. I guess some things are just not ment to be. No matter what, it takes two to end it, and two to make it. I will miss you Gremlin for along time to come

I think someone missed the ‘time to let go’ exit a few miles back.

The most recent one I was able to trace back to an original post.

Subject: Broke!

You know, I’m down and out and I’m flat broke. I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention!

What can I possibly give you, that you already don’t have, but my true love and support!

Subject: Re: Broke! Gremlin?

You said it all LOVE and SUPPORT…something money cant and will NEVER BUY!!! I miss you so much. I had an appt. today close to your job, it took everything I had to not stop by. I miss your face, I miss your touch, I miss you.

I think the therapy’s failing. Seriously. You’re fucking crazy. You have so much crazy that, if you got cancer somewhere and it metastasized, you could end up with cancer of the crazy. There aren’t words for how crazy you are. There are barely any images.

And, y’know, that level of crazy? Yeah, Gremlin’s had exes like that. I’m aware of that. But that’s a supermassive black hole of fucking batshit insane right there. The sort of crazy that keeps on giving.

…so much crazy that I lost my granola bar. Where…oh. Hey! Give that back!

Don’t make me get my war kittens….

Where was I? Oh, right. Crazy that keeps on giving. I’m sure that the horrorbeast that is craigslist will attack me when I stupidly walk over to make sure that it’s dead. I bet I could make another regular thing out of this.

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