No, I’m not taking flying lessons. It just seemed like a good title. <\/p>\n
I’m learning to ride the ZBoard, which is…kinda like flying, in a way. For me. <\/p>\n
The ZBoard, for anyone random reading this, is a skateboard that goes on its own, powered by a big battery, and controlled by two pads. One is ‘Go-go-go’, and the other is, ‘SHIT WHERE THE FUCK DID I LEAVE THE BRAKE’. It weighs nearly 30lbs, and it’s kinda pricey. <\/p>\n
\nBut it seems to be worth the price. It’s a pretty damned good mode of transportation, if you can figure it out.<\/p>\n
And you seem to be able to figure it out, even if you’ve never been on a skateboard before. Hell, you can figure it out if you’ve never been on a skateboard and have crippling anxiety issues. <\/p>\n
My first time on the board was actually inside the house. I rolled back and forth, about the length of the board in distance [it’s a very long board], and disturbed the roommate, who was sure we couldn’t possibly be vacuuming or anything. <\/p>\n
My second time was while waiting for an appointment at the VA. I stood on it for a second, brushed the GO-GO-GO ever-so-lightly, felt it twitch forward, yelled, “NOPE,” and skittered away. <\/p>\n
Gremlin suggested that maybe I should sit on it and try it that way, just to get a feel for it. I did, but I felt really silly, so I only went back and forth a tiny bit. <\/p>\n
Right around then, I started picturing Enemy Vehicles actively seeking me out. I pictured myself being flung into the air [and into the engine of a passing jet, because my mind was dealing purely in videogame physics], and the board getting snapped. And then the car would just continue driving away like nothing happened. <\/p>\n
The third time went better. Gremlin got me down to the conveniently located bike path, and got me to stand on it for a little bit before trying to get me to go. We took a couple of trips up and down the bike path [which is pretty much flat]. <\/p>\n
The first few were with him holding on to my arm. He probably knew I was thinking about my last bike-path-related skateboard encounter [I stood on it, and it decided that it wanted to go away without me]. <\/p>\n
This is where the sociopathic thing comes in, I think. Normally, all he’d care about is the board. With me on it, though, he’s also looking to make me feel safer, because I’ve slipped into a special category of people for him. <\/p>\n
That attempt went pretty well. Eventually, Gremlin was able to let go, and I was able to do it on my own. <\/p>\n
That was also the day that I took a trip around the block while riding it like a GoKart. I still felt silly, because I had to cut through these people who were doing skateboard tricks, but…fuck that, it was fun<\/i>. I got that thing at least halfway to full speed. <\/p>\n
Which is when I discovered that riding this damned thing hurts<\/i>. So I had to spend a few days healing.<\/p>\n
My next time was just riding back and forth in front of Safeway. I introduced the concept of ‘extra weight’. <\/p>\n
Then, Gremlin tried to get me to go around the block on it a little while later — properly — and I kinda panicked a few times. Also, the sun was in a bad place.<\/p>\n
A couple of days ago, a ‘walk around the block’ turned into ‘advanced training’. Hills. Scary, scary hills. <\/p>\n
Because it free-rolls a bit. So, if you’re on a hill, you’d better hope you started from a non-hill area. Or, you can master the fiddly bit where you get on it and give it just<\/i> enough power to keep it in place, but not so much that it tries to go without you standing on it. <\/p>\n
That’s…yeah. But I made it up a gradual hill that time, and around a corner, and then: sidewalks. Sidewalks are…well, they’re easier, in a way, because you know where you have to stay. But harder, because holy shit, sidewalks are not smooth and even. <\/p>\n
Then: the hill in front of Church A. Which was done slowly, with Gremlin holding my arm. I crossed my first street on it, too. <\/p>\n
Also: scarier sidewalk, behind Safeway. It’s all broken up. Another terrifying hill, because cars, and…the Safeway lot was less scary, because it was all nice, even sidewalks.<\/p>\n
Then, going home — the scary-scary hill. The one with the shit sidewalks and the cars everywhere. So, where the fuck are the fucking brakes? <\/p>\n
But: I made it. And I made the turn. And I made it to the end of the street, before the bikepath began. I panicked at the end because a car was going to turn toward me. I didn’t think I could get out of the way quickly enough, so I stepped off and picked the thing up instead. <\/p>\n
That day, I made it to the end of the bikepath — and even over the tricky part of the bikepath, where it’ll get jammed up if you don’t hit it at exactly the right point. <\/p>\n
Which brings us to today. <\/p>\n
Today’s lesson was ‘up the scary hill’. I made it, although I lost track of the brakes again. And, on the way home, I made it from the bikepath all the way to the house.<\/p>\n
I also hit my first rock today, and felt what that was like. <\/p>\n
And I nearly fell trying to step off the board, right in front of the house. I didn’t fall, though, which is good. <\/p>\n
I’m learning. Bit by bit. Slowly. But I’m learning. Learning to turn, and to keep my balance, and everything. <\/p>\n
It’s a slow process, but I might get the hang of it. Not full-speed hang, maybe, but…it kinda feels good to learn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
No, I’m not taking flying lessons. It just seemed like a good title. I’m learning to ride the ZBoard, which is…kinda like flying, in a way. For me. The ZBoard, for anyone random reading this, is a skateboard that goes … Continue reading