Headaches can make you do things that you regret. Like buying a crappy stick of homeopathic bullshit just to see if it works. Life’s not fair like that.

Just to prove that life isn’t fair: it does work. A little. A very little.

It’s homeopathic bullshit, though. If you don’t understand what homeopathy is, you can probably try wikipedia. There’s also this article at quackwatch, but if you want to believe, you might not like it. I refer you to these articles because there’s some math involved, and I have a hard time working it all out. I just know that there’s almost nothing of the ‘Active Ingredients’ in this stick of guck.

The Active Ingredients?

Iris versicolor (Blue flag) 12X H.P.U.S. 0.1%
Kali bichromicum (Potassium bichromate) 6X H.P.U.S. 0.05%
Bryonia alba (White Bryony) 12X H.P.U.S. 0.4%

What’s H.P.U.S. mean?

The letters H.P.U.S. indicate that the components in this product are officially monographed in the Homeopathic Pharmacopoeia of the United States

And what’s that? I don’t really know. I’m not paying for the access.

Access to the HPUS Online Database
The HPCUS currently provides three subscription options:
(Prices are in U.S. Dollars)

• 1 Day (24 Hours) $29.00
  (1 user)

• 30 Days $99.00
  (1 user)

• 1 Year $1000.00
  (1 user)

• 1 Year Corporate $15,000.00 (unlimited number of users)

What I do know is that, in a normal product, you could probably opt to not list those ‘active ingredients’, because, like I said, they’re barely there. It’s like the ‘acceptable levels’ of nastiness in drinking water you always hear about, or the ‘rat hairs’ in your Snickers. Sorta a bonus instead of something they intentionally put in.

I’m trying to make this as clear as possible: I do not believe in homeopathy. I am not saying this because I have been fooled into thinking this product works. This is not a ‘placebo effect’.

And it has nothing to do with the bonus rat pieces.

To understand why this product works, you have to slide your eyes on down to the bottom of the box, past the ‘Use’ and the ‘Warnings’, a little ways past the Directions, just under the Other Information.

Yeah, there. The Inactive Ingredients.

diazolidinyl urea, ethyl alcohol, iodopropynyl butylcarbamate, menthol, menthyl lactate, propylene glycol, sodium stearate, steareth-21, tetrasodium EDTA, triethanolamine, water

My bet? It’s the menthol. Menthol is the typical active ingredient in heat rubs, like Bengay, Icy Hot, and Tiger Balm, all of which WORK when I rub them on my forehead in desperation. Unfortunately, they all smell. A lot. And smells? Not so mixy with the migraines, unless they happen to be a pleasant, helpful smell like lilac, or something. Something that, for some reason, helps you. And, hey, if Tiger Balm does, good for you.

If not, maybe one of the odorless, slightly less greasy type creams could help, although it might be even more helpful if you apply it to the back of your neck, because the strange heating part of the heat rubs can sometimes be counterproductive.

I do wonder about the alcohol in this thing — if that’s what leads to the strange cooling sensation. It’s not really worth the six or seven bucks a stick of this costs. A big thing of your favourite topical rub and a cold washcloth or ice pack would be better.

I’m very sorry I helped to pay for one of their very annoying ads. There. I said it. Now, please, don’t buy it. Buy something else. Vicks VapORub and noseplugs. Anything.