So, I watched Transformers 2 last night. And, I gotta say, I’m very, very glad I wasn’t the one paying to see it…but, I am wondering some things….
Like, why was that one Decepticon able to pass as human? And why, exactly, does the little cube shard — like the regular cube — instantly make little Decepticons? Are we working on fucked up Gremlins rules here? And by that, I mean The New Batch and not the less-goofy/more-evil first movie. Do these things eventually grow up and become un-evil? I kinda always wondered about that when watching Gremlins, too, but…it was less annoying [until the sequel].
And what the fuck was the deal with the icecream truck made out of two things that suddenly was able to become two different, newer cars?
Also: who the fuck was Emperor Palpatine? I know, that sounds like a very stupid question, but, seriously, that guy that Megatron magically teleported back to…wherever to talk to…who the fuck was he, besides the Emperor?
And, on that subject, how the fuck did Megatron get there so quickly? And, if they can teleport [and it seems that they can], why don’t they just do that all the time? Is it just something the Decepticons can do? Is that why the Autobots are always being air-lifted in? And why the hell does Prime need a parachute?
And why the fuck is Jetfire a crotchety old english guy with a cane?
…please, don’t make a sequel just to answer these questions. That would be bad.
The Decepticon passing as a human, was a Pretender. They existed in the original series too; so that wasn’t too bad (corny as fuck though).
The cube turns everything into Decepticons because Bay and his writing team are a bunch of morons who could care less about the actual Transformers canon.
The ice cream truck twins were nothing more than comic filler. Their ability to change into those two new cars, is an inherent one to all Transformers. This was shown in the first movie too. All they need to do is scan the surroundings for a suitable piece of machinery (or bodies), to imitate. Of course in the original series, this was an ability limited to Teletran 1, but whatever.
The Fallen/Palpatine dude, is from the Dreamwave comic series. I’ve heard good things about that series, but I never really got into it. As far as I’m concerned, the Transformers were originally created by the Quintessons (those 5 headed judge things from the animated movie), as detailed in the original series. The more religiously inspired story of Primus and Unicron, can eat a dick for all I care.
As for the teleportation thing, and why Jetfire was a crotchety old man with a cane; well, see point #2.
It would be interesting to hear Swyndle’s take on the film, as he is a way bigger fan of the franchise, than I am.