Well, this was…something.

Yeah. I haven’t had much to say for a while. I’ve got all these ideas, but no real good plan for implementation. I guess that’s kinda my thing….

Anyway, the other day, I was sitting around, minding my own business, when…stupid happened. You know me, I love it when stupid happens. I’m still waiting for this particular stupid to do something, but I guess he’s too busy attentionwhoring elsewheres to actually look back and admit he was wrong.

Maybe next time.

This particular stupid was brought to you by this post. An old, almost forgotten post about a bit of drama that I wasn’t even involved in [beyond hearing about it from others].

Well, guess I’m ‘involved’ now.

I’ll…try to make the formatting as painless as possible.

May 29 at 00:43
Warren Manley
It has come to our attention, as a result of a formal investigation that you have defamatory material, part of a hate campaign, on your website. In accordance with out instructions and as part of ongoing actions concerning that hate campaign, you are hereby formally notified to remove all defamatory material related to Mr Arkle at your website, evilcoffeechick.com. Should this not be done within five business days, we are instructed to bring charges under state and federal laws for stalking, harassment and criminal libel. This communication is made without prejudice to further legal action being taken and we reserve the right to serve you with papers at your place of employment or at your place of residence according to State and Federal law.

Warren Manley

Georgia Process Servers


So, here it is, a little after midnight, and I get that. I look at the guy’s profile, notice the profile picture, the lack of friends, and the locked-downness of it all. I pause, go back, read it again, and notice what it’s about.

Then, I start googling. I learn that the company doesn’t exist. The closest thing I could find to a company with that name was a ‘Woman owned and operated’ process serving company. So…that’s interesting.

I fire off a message to a friend about it, and find out that he’s being contacted, too.

After a lot of research into the requirements for process serving in Georgia, a few hours digging into my website logs [where I found him hitting the page from one of those linkedin-type websites], and chatting about it with the previously mentioned friend, I fired off a simple reply.

May 29 at 07:22
Hunter Crazychick
Credentials, please.

Simple enough, right? After a few hours, I thought that’d be the end of it. I’d kinda forgotten that he tends to go to bed when the sun comes up, and wakes up [probably hung over] at around 3 in the afternoon. Guess what!

May 29 at 15:38
Warren Manley
we shall be serving you at your place or work. We will do so, as allowed under State Law at any time of our choosing. You are required to cooperate fully with ourselves and with any State and Federal agencies involved. We shall be in touch.

I guess maybe I was supposed to be terrified of the idea of being served at work, on top of the idea that he’d be there with, apparently, Seal Team Six to back him up or some shit. I don’t fucking know.

29 May at 15:39
Hunter Crazychick
No, I said ‘Credentials, please.’ Identify yourself.

Again, simple enough. Shouldn’t need any clarification at all.

29 May at 15:44
Warren Manley
You can find our details by joining our Facebook group or writing to our email address. Any communications received from you are monitored and recorded however and forwarded to all agencies involved and may be used at any time in legal proceedings. We also reserve the right to contact credit reference agencies, local law enforcement agencies and to conduct appropriate background and other searches.

His ‘facebook group’ is the ‘like page’ for the business he created. It has 0. Just thought I should share that.

29 May at 16:18
Hunter Crazychick
Is this a civil libel case, or a federal stalking case? You’re not making any sense whatsoever.

This is where Gremlin started getting interested. I’d shown him the communications so far, and he started feeding me lines. I was kinda having a hard time being coherent at this point, anyway. Obviously from the abject terror of the Amazing Impending FBI Arrest And Deportation to GITMO over not taking down a completely inoffensive post.

Or the giggling. Your choice.

May 29 at 16:35
Warren Manley
Libel/defamation can be both criminal and civil. At the moment investigations are ongoing, on both a state and Federal level and we have been requested to notify some of those under investigation of any impending or potential civil proceedings and, where applicable, criminal ones. Local law enforcement agencies are being contacted in states where such agencies are working with Federal agencies on any possible charges of stalking/harassment. As stated previously, any communications made on behalf of any process servers or agents acting on these matters is done so without prejudice to such investigations and to any pending or potential legal actions that may or shall result.

As detailed under State Law, you have sufficiently violated the existing statutes to be both sued and and to have criminal charges bought against you for stalking/harassment, and/or to have papers served on you to immediately remove any defamatory material already published in any form, including electronically and to be enjoined to cease and desist from any further harassing or defamatory posts.

We will be seeking to serve you any papers, at this stage, at your place of work rather than at your private residence and require your cooperation with any such attempts to serve you that are necessary. If you are having difficulty understanding your State’s Statutes on Harassment/Stalking, or the definitions of what constitutes criminal or civil libel/defamation, we would advise you to seek competent legal advice or to look up the relevant statutes in your State.


29 May at 16:48
Hunter Crazychick
Neither Facebook.com nor live.com being secured, the only further information I need is the following:

Process server badge number and expiration date.
The name of the clerk of court authorising the badge.
District of jurisdiction.
Full business address and phone number, plus your extension.
File number of the affidavit entered into record, name of presiding magistrate, and the city, county, and state in which the complaint was made.

I’ll pass that along to my legal counsel for confirmation and research. Given the widespread nature of the accusations, they assume the case would be dispersed among criminal, civil, and trademark attorneys, which is why I asked if this was criminal or civil.

Since the dude has no fucking clue what he’s talking about, we decided to play a little game. A list of things required to identify him [based on the rules and regulations regarding process servers in Georgia] and…hey, why not throw a bunch of scary lawyers in, too! He won’t know the difference. Hell, he thinks libel is criminal at a federal level.

Note: there is a law in Colorado that makes a certain type of libel a class 6 felony, but it’s one of those difficult-to-use laws that may not be constitutional anyway. And now that I’ve inadvertently educated the nitwit….

May 29 at 16:51
Warren Manley
The charges are specific. You have engaged in behavior that constitutes defamation and harassment/Stalking. Trying to avoid or delay service of papers will not be seen in a good light. You are welcome to have your attorney contact us and we will proceed from there. In the meantime, all communications will be forwarded to the local and Federal agencies involved in the investigation.

He repeats himself. A lot.

May 29 at 16:57
Hunter Crazychick
Since you ignored my query, I’m now ending correspondence. All further barratry should be addressed to my attorney. Further direct contact will constitute harassment. Have a nice day.

And here’s where we end it. Nothing further from him.

I do understand that I probably shouldn’t be posting this. It’ll just attract his attention again. I’m basically annoying a dumb animal by poking it with a stick, but, goddamnit, I had to share. And this shit ended up in my inbox. My inbox, mine to share. So there, neener.

If anything else happens, it very well could be in the comments section of this post. If not, well, I’ll probably post it again.

3 thoughts on “Well, this was…something.

  1. I think my favourite part of this was the implication that you were slowing him down with big words, preventing him from bugging you at the office a businessweek later. It’s a pity that this is all too fictional ever to go to court; I’d love to hear how asking what in hell he’s on about is magically impeding and failing to cooperate.

  2. Welcome to what I’ve spent the better part of a decade dealing with. I will say though, Johnny’s stellar ignorance of almost everything is pretty amusing. Funnier still, I now have almost as much contempt for his ex at the center of this as he does. The only difference is that I’m not keeping it the focus of my existence several years after the fact.

    Here’s how it works. Showtime Arkle pops up and tries to be as annoying as possible for a few months. Then he disappears for a couple of years. Rinse and repeat.

    If you want to have some fun, call your local ICE office and see if they still have an open immigration warrant for him. If they do, send the IP address from the e-mails.

  3. I seriously considered the whole ICE thing — I remembered you talking about a case number or something — but I decided to sorta do the retard thing and hold off on it. I wanted to see how far he’d take it.

    I’ve still got screenshots, which, honestly, probably isn’t enough.

    Also, I’m crap at keeping up on my moderating duties here. I got all caught up in doing other stuff [trying to learn something useless], and forgot to check back in. I appreciate you even taking the time to comment, since you’ve had to deal with him before. According to your timeframe, I’ll have something fun to do after 2012 that doesn’t involve pointing and laughing at people who thought the world was about to end.


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