Harry Potter and the inability to stick to the damn book….

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So, Half Blood Prince came out yesterday….

We were going to go see it during the day, when tickets were cheaper, but Gremlin forgot and slept through those hours. So…we went when it cost more, and was more crowded. Which means we ended up sitting really close to the screen. But…that was kinda my choice, because I didn’t want to sit between Drunk and Drunker….

Unfortunately, we got there in time for the previews, which means I was subjected to the Twilight sequel’s deplorable morphing CG. Ugh. Wow. Really? Did you have to reveal that in the preview? What the hell is wrong with you people?

And then there was this other stupid kiddie movie, and all I remember is a Stone of Gayness, and some idiot making a wish for something to be a dung beetle, and then becoming…not a dung beetle.

So, yeah. Bad previews. Then, we leap right into the movie. Or, actually, we leap right into an FPS. I assume it’s the perspective of the somehow-able-to-fly-without-brooms Death Eaters flying around London, destroying a bunch of shit, and possibly kidnapping Olivander. Not…entirely clear. Mostly, it just gives you the feeling that they were too cheap to hire anyone else, and went directly to the company making the Half Blood Prince videogame for the rendering.

Are we finally in the movie now? Oh good. Yes, there it is. There’s Harry — not at the Dursley’s, but out in the muggle world, breaking the stupid secrecy thing by reading The Daily Prophet in a muggle cafe, and flirting with the waitress. We don’t get to see Dumbledore torturing the Durlsey’s, which is…sad.

Then we’re off to get Slughorn…who…isn’t really as described in the book. Instead of being a relatively clever fat guy, we’ve got this not-so-fat guy who appears to be suffering from one senior moment after another. Also, more videogame quality CG of the house being cleaned up.

After that, Dumbledore apparently ditches Harry mid-apparition at the Weasley’s — or, rather, in some weird swamp that’s somehow right next to the Burrow. Insert whimsical stairs and bad comedy routine about ‘Harry’s wandering around the house’ here. Also insert badly forced inter-character chemistry here.

I may’ve missed a scene here. Or they switched everything around, because then we’re in an unnamed, perpetually rainy part of…who the hell knows where. I can only assume it’s supposed to be Spinner’s End. But it’s day…ish. And Narcissa Malfoy is apparently being played by a rather old Rogue from X-Men.

…and I think I’ve made my point. Except:

They left out some very important memories. Like, 80% of the memories. You don’t see the Gaunts. You don’t see Hepzibah Smith. You don’t see Tom’s first murder. You find out — incorrectly — that the ring belonged to Merope Gaunt. Harry — movie Harry — is completely unprepared to hunt down horcruxes. He doesn’t know about the cup, or that Voldemort returned to Hogwarts to get the DADA job [and, apparently, cursed it when he didn’t get it].

You never really find out that Minister for Magic has been replaced, or that the Ministry is arresting people that aren’t actually guilty of anything. Or who/what Fenrir Greyback is. Tonks and Lupin are just thrown together in an apparent relationship in this movie. The Burrow is destroyed. There’s no Bill and Fleur, which means there’s no wedding in the next movie. There’s no mention of Arthur’s new job. And, apparently, Mrs. Weasley’s been taken over by the Dursley’s — not wanting her kids to return to Hogwarts, and not trusting Dumbledore to protect them. Not exactly in character.

There was also no funeral, which…kinda seems…wrong.

I think the most disappointing part of the entire movie was when the children watching it didn’t suddenly start crying as one when Dumbledore died. I was really hoping for that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that the movie was everything I expected.

Edit: It seems I forgot to mention the weirdness that was the kid that played young Tom Riddle. Instead of a bright, confident, manipulative boy, they’ve got this cold, blunted, obviously sociopathic kid. It doesn’t really fit.

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