Paraboring Inactivity

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Don’t bother.

Seriously, don’t bother. And, speaking of not bothering, I’m not going to bother with ‘spoiler warnings’ [as if I ever do], because the trailer already spoils the ending.

I’m not kidding.

If you are going to see it, rent it and get the rifftrax. Because that’s the only way you can survive the incredible boredom.

I’m not kidding. It’s not even remotely scary. I’ve seen scarier episodes of…whatever that show is on SciFi [or SyFy, as it’s now called] where the plumbers go around looking for evidence of hauntings, and getting mostly evidence of how people work themselves up into believing shit’s happening when it’s not….

It could’ve been better. Maybe. If they left out the weird darkside thrumming that alerted viewers to when stuff was about to happen. And maybe if they’d done some other stuff.

Like, instead of having it escalate, have it be more random. Have stuff happening in the background of the boring, couple-ey scenes that don’t do anything for character development. Stuff that you have to, y’know, be paying attention to notice. That’d be interesting.

But, no. You’ve just got the one door moving, some sheets moving, some lights flipping on and off, and…a lot of boredom.

Also, on night 18, there’s an elephant.

You think I’m kidding, don’t you? I’m not. No, there’s not actually an elephant in the house — that might be interesting. It’s just that trumpeting noise. Part of the ‘ooh scary sounds’ is very much an elephant.

I probably wouldn’t have made it to night 18 if it weren’t for the Rifftrax, though. I would’ve shut it off after night 3. Instead, I managed to sit through the entire thing.

My reward? “Who let Cthulhu in here?”

Thanks, guys.

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