Oh, how I wish I could find a video to share….
Unfortunately, I’m on my Nexus. I can browse YouTube on my tablet, sure, but I can’t wade through the metric fuckton of videos that any search involving ‘cursed’ turns up. Turns out, everyone loves a curse.
Anyway, here I am, in bed, trying to get to sleep, browsing the free shit I can stream, when I trip across this show with one episode available. ‘Cursed.’
You know me. I’m a sucker for a bad paranormal show.
I didn’t even make it through the intro. I was off looking for a video of it that I could share with everyone else.
Why? Because holy fuck was that brazen.
Let me express it through an imagined conversation at a meeting. I don’t know what the jobs of these people — the ones who, like, plan out shows, come up with their intros, and write the music — are actually called, and I can’t even be bothered to come up with proper names, so I’m just going to write it as if it’s one guy having a conversation with his cursed painting and the dead cat behind the sofa.
SOME GUY: Shit, man, this show needs theme music.
He pauses, looking at the cursed painting.
SOME GUY: It’s the one about the cursed objects. No, don’t interrupt. They won’t listen to me about you. I’ve tried. No, really, just ask the cat.
What do you mean ‘the cat’s dead?’ And what do you mean ‘they fired me six months ago?’ You’re a pathological liar, cursed painting.’
Meanwhile, the people actually working on things are probably in a board room somewhere, tossing about ideas like so:
“It needs to be creepy! Give me something creepy! And catchy!”
“What about the music from The Exorcist?”
“They’d never let us use it. Think smaller!”
“We could just re–”
“How about the theme from Halloween?”
“–write it and that would–”
“What’s that? You’re right! We’ll take the theme from Halloween, strip it down to just the main piano part, and change, like, every seventh note. Except, later, we’ll get random, and change every second or third! Go. Do that!”
“Just…change some notes? ”
“Yes! Just change a couple of notes. Otherwise, it should sound exactly the same!”
I’m not kidding. Last October left the theme for Halloween burned into my memory. I can’t tell you what the notes are, but I can tell you that one or two notes are ‘off’, and if you’re going too fast, or too slow. And the intro theme/credits music/whatever you fucking call it? Is Carpenter’s music with a couple of notes changed.
I could be wrong, of course. I really don’t know shit about music.